Sometimes you gotta step back. Sometimes you're making excuses for yourself. And sometimes, when it seems that your whole life has been either easy victories or excuses, and you started working hard for a change, it's tough to sort out which is which. That's a battle I fight regularly.
I don't want to be an excuse maker, and I never wanted to be, I just can't deal with people's crap! Everyone has an opinion and no matter what I do, rarely is everyone in agreement about how right or wrong I am. Go figure! I had real trouble with this when I was a kid; in high school it seemed like every teacher expected me to treat their class as the most important. Despite good advice from my father, I still didn't get it. I had to figure out how to make my own choices the best I could, and live with them. What didn't factor in back in the day was that often I made excuses for my poor choices, and got away with it for too long. It's a tough row to hoe but it's mine, I guess.
For example, I've been planning a 15k rowing experience and life is just too big for me to do it right now. I couldn't do it last Tuesday when I had planned to, so the following Thursday I sat down to row and get it over with. I was all set up to go, but my mind wasn't in it at all. I had so many issues to deal with... money, work, family, and more. All pressing stuff. I hadn't slept well in days, and the ALCC Camden Community Picnic, which I help organize, was the coming Saturday. Stress must have been oozing from my pores. After twelve minutes my butt began hurting. My arms still ached from what seemed like ten days' worth of arm-working WODs, and around the fifteen minute mark I realized that I had quit several minutes earlier. I ended up pressing on and rowing for about 18 minutes total, which still beats my last longest time by two or three minutes, and my longest distance by hundreds of meters. Felt like a failure, though. My attitude just wasn't good to start with. Perspective isn't always easy to hold on to.
I was so afraid to tell anyone--John, Cheryl, anyone. Yet I felt like it was my choice. I really wanted (and want!) to do the row. It's kinda exciting! I told John (my CrossFit trainer) and tried not to make a big deal out of it. He didn't kill me. It was his suggestion, not an order, and he's in no position to order me around anyway. I just want to be good and do good, and never be wrong. Can't do it. Can't be perfect. Gotta live with it.
I'm doing the Copper Wire run in early October, so I don't want to go too deep into September before I set myself to the 15k row again. I do need a free day, where I don't have piles of things to set aside. I'll have them soon enough, I just need to be patient. This challenging time will pass, as have all the others. God will get me through.
After last week I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Tuesday I didn't exercise. I felt I needed a break. I still do. Thursday I'm committed to doing very little as well. I have so much to do already, but who knows? I'm sick of cramming so much into a day that my mind spins. Too much of that, for whatever reason, and I get squirrely and head toward places I can't go anymore.
I still have to plan out my new food blocking scheme--or rather, how I'm gonna make it work on a daily basis--and I haven't done it yet. I have to figure out how to make 17 blocks of protein, 9 blocks of carbs, and about 40 blocks of fat into an eating plan. I know basically how to do it, and I've been stumbling through it for a few days now, but with no tracking and no planning it's an exercise in paleo eating. I have to give myself room to move here, I guess.
Over the weekend, I ate like crap for a good 24 hours after the community picnic and when I weighed myself on Tuesday, I was ten pounds heavier than the previous week. No doubt it's water weight held because of the abundance of salt and garbage carbs I consumed. I don't regret some of it, but as time passed I got sick of my behavior and the crap food started to taste bad. I don't know when I'll finally learn that there's no going back... I can still eat anything I want, but anything close to a binge won't be worth it.
Depending on my mood, my water weight is either a humorous thing or an annoyance. I'll be shedding it for days. This weekend we're going to The Fair (as they call it) and I'm gonna eat some crap there, too, just not as much. Within the following week is my anniversary, and around then we're going out to eat. In between it's all paleo as I learn how to make the new blocking work. Afterward it's big-push time. I've got weight to lose and muscle to build.
I don't understand everything but then again, I have yet to fully adopt the new eating. And as I've advised so many others lately, one must try something like that for a good two or three weeks straight (at least!) before you can begin to judge whether or not something's working, and another few weeks to see the benefits more fully unfold. I'm reading books and asking questions, changing my diet, working out, and putting one foot in front of the other. Gotta get through this, so I press on...
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 9 - Weight: 284.6 - Plugging Away
Sometimes I feel like CrossFit is almost as good for me as church, and that everyone should do it. The weight is still coming off, and it won't be long before the first two digits are "27". Nevertheless, I sometimes feel burnt out, like all I do is go from one workout to the next.
When I do four or five WODs and two endurance workouts in a week, it tends to go like this: Monday evening I do a WOD. Tuesday morning I row (intervals or distance & time) and if life permits, I hit a WOD. Wednesday morning I hit a WOD. I have a WOD Friday evening and Saturday morning. Depending on circumstances I run either Saturday afternoon or (preferably) Friday morning (intervals or distance & time, the opposite of what I did for rowing). I get a nice break between early Wednesday and early Friday, then from early Saturday to late Monday. The breaks seem more than adequate and I think I recover well enough, but sometimes Monday comes and I feel like sighing, "Here we go again."
Now that I've gotten the whining out of the way: I am considering a chat with my coaches about adding another endurance day to help me train for the Copper Wire Run in Camden, N.Y. this coming October. It might not be time yet, but if it is, I'd like to start next week. I would like to look at my exercise schedule as a four to five WOD, two to three endurance sort of deal. If my schedule permits I can go all out at five and three, but if not, four and two is plenty. I know John and Cheryl will steer me right, and will take into account many factors before advising me.
I had my first experience with torn hands last week, and I'm healing nicely. It's all part of the CrossFit journey. As has been said: New-Skin liquid bandage does smell elite. Apparently "elite" smells like Testor's model glue. At first I applied it obsessively (the New Skin, not the glue) but that's part of the process, too. I think in the future I'll use liquid bandage during workouts and for extra help, but try the salt water soak (painful!) to promote healing during off periods. I have seen it work wonders on others so it's worth a shot. I might also begin experimenting with athletic tape. Wow, I'm a real gym guy now! hahaha Next I'll need eye-black.
I haven't done as much box jumping as I had planned. As the week went on I felt more worn out, and the box looked so tall. I think it's important not to let it slide, but I don't want to get fixed on this either. This week I want to do another progression of box heights and get up there again. I don't need to solve this problem today any more than I need to get pull-ups in today, but I should not ignore this opportunity either. Fighting fear and overcoming mental obstacles is a big priority in CrossFit and I'm all about that.
Wisdom also suggests that if, as the week goes on, I get a bit ragged, that's something to consider too. I don't want to be hard on myself. I'm not Superman and I don't need to be. I've had to work progressively and carefully to get where I am now. The same thing goes for push-ups. I don't feel I have progressed as much with those lately. Why should this be any different? I suspect that as winter comes, there'll be less met-con and more box jumps and push-ups. There's plenty of time if I'm willing to work. There are also times when, for no other reason than a desire to take a break, I can take a day or even a week off. I don't think I'll be taking a week off from CrossFit anytime soon, but a day off looks good. I believe life will work that magic for me for now. Otherwise, I want to work.
Also, I know I can do a bit more work at home--a bit of groove-greasing every day is good, and just like warming up and stretching, I do not do it enough. It's a goal: more work at home, even a little here and there. I'll talk more about that in the future, but for now, I press on...
When I do four or five WODs and two endurance workouts in a week, it tends to go like this: Monday evening I do a WOD. Tuesday morning I row (intervals or distance & time) and if life permits, I hit a WOD. Wednesday morning I hit a WOD. I have a WOD Friday evening and Saturday morning. Depending on circumstances I run either Saturday afternoon or (preferably) Friday morning (intervals or distance & time, the opposite of what I did for rowing). I get a nice break between early Wednesday and early Friday, then from early Saturday to late Monday. The breaks seem more than adequate and I think I recover well enough, but sometimes Monday comes and I feel like sighing, "Here we go again."
Now that I've gotten the whining out of the way: I am considering a chat with my coaches about adding another endurance day to help me train for the Copper Wire Run in Camden, N.Y. this coming October. It might not be time yet, but if it is, I'd like to start next week. I would like to look at my exercise schedule as a four to five WOD, two to three endurance sort of deal. If my schedule permits I can go all out at five and three, but if not, four and two is plenty. I know John and Cheryl will steer me right, and will take into account many factors before advising me.
I had my first experience with torn hands last week, and I'm healing nicely. It's all part of the CrossFit journey. As has been said: New-Skin liquid bandage does smell elite. Apparently "elite" smells like Testor's model glue. At first I applied it obsessively (the New Skin, not the glue) but that's part of the process, too. I think in the future I'll use liquid bandage during workouts and for extra help, but try the salt water soak (painful!) to promote healing during off periods. I have seen it work wonders on others so it's worth a shot. I might also begin experimenting with athletic tape. Wow, I'm a real gym guy now! hahaha Next I'll need eye-black.
I haven't done as much box jumping as I had planned. As the week went on I felt more worn out, and the box looked so tall. I think it's important not to let it slide, but I don't want to get fixed on this either. This week I want to do another progression of box heights and get up there again. I don't need to solve this problem today any more than I need to get pull-ups in today, but I should not ignore this opportunity either. Fighting fear and overcoming mental obstacles is a big priority in CrossFit and I'm all about that.
Wisdom also suggests that if, as the week goes on, I get a bit ragged, that's something to consider too. I don't want to be hard on myself. I'm not Superman and I don't need to be. I've had to work progressively and carefully to get where I am now. The same thing goes for push-ups. I don't feel I have progressed as much with those lately. Why should this be any different? I suspect that as winter comes, there'll be less met-con and more box jumps and push-ups. There's plenty of time if I'm willing to work. There are also times when, for no other reason than a desire to take a break, I can take a day or even a week off. I don't think I'll be taking a week off from CrossFit anytime soon, but a day off looks good. I believe life will work that magic for me for now. Otherwise, I want to work.
Also, I know I can do a bit more work at home--a bit of groove-greasing every day is good, and just like warming up and stretching, I do not do it enough. It's a goal: more work at home, even a little here and there. I'll talk more about that in the future, but for now, I press on...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Tuesday, August 2 - Weight 289.4 - Working...
I'm struggling with work. I have a lot of it, which is nice, but it's all due soon. Ugh!
I've lost weight. That's good! I also had a good week at the gym. I did my crappy brand of grey-band pull-ups in a WOD, I did real overhead squats in a WOD, and I did a real box jump. It was cool.
I'd like to do a box jump every time I come in. Two or three, just greasing the groove and getting my mind to accept it as a legitimate exercise I can do! Even a month or two, I might not be ready to pull out the box jump of that size in a WOD. But who knows?
Since then I've repeated the box jumps a few times. Today I just didn't have my heart in it. I am not all there mentally, and very stressed out. Still, I hit the WOD hard and took a good 25 seconds off my KB snatch ladder time. My endurance row session was 200m with rest, then 500m with rest, then 15 minutes of rowing in which I managed to go almost 3600m. I've never rowed for more than 5 minutes before, so 15 seemed huge but wasn't all that bad.
I'm just glad to have lost weight and still feel good. I think I'm doing okay. I need to make sure I get plenty of rest, hit four or five WODs and two endurance days, and eat right. I seem to get in a little extra fat, which is cool, and I am not afraid to do it if I'm careful. Fat is so good for me. It's nice to have the chocolate and I've become a believer in coconut oil. I make sure to get some every day.
There is no denying it, though... I'm whipped. I don't know how I feel about anything. Once my work is done, I will feel better about life. My leadership organization of the Big Kid Games at my church's free community picnic is going a bit slow but moving well enough. I just want August to be over, and to be paid. When I get exhausted, I get whiny! hahaha
I don't think it's an eating issue, but a work and sleep issue. Still, I need to keep an eye on things. So far though, I feel good about all this. It's going well.
I've lost weight. That's good! I also had a good week at the gym. I did my crappy brand of grey-band pull-ups in a WOD, I did real overhead squats in a WOD, and I did a real box jump. It was cool.
I'd like to do a box jump every time I come in. Two or three, just greasing the groove and getting my mind to accept it as a legitimate exercise I can do! Even a month or two, I might not be ready to pull out the box jump of that size in a WOD. But who knows?
Since then I've repeated the box jumps a few times. Today I just didn't have my heart in it. I am not all there mentally, and very stressed out. Still, I hit the WOD hard and took a good 25 seconds off my KB snatch ladder time. My endurance row session was 200m with rest, then 500m with rest, then 15 minutes of rowing in which I managed to go almost 3600m. I've never rowed for more than 5 minutes before, so 15 seemed huge but wasn't all that bad.
I'm just glad to have lost weight and still feel good. I think I'm doing okay. I need to make sure I get plenty of rest, hit four or five WODs and two endurance days, and eat right. I seem to get in a little extra fat, which is cool, and I am not afraid to do it if I'm careful. Fat is so good for me. It's nice to have the chocolate and I've become a believer in coconut oil. I make sure to get some every day.
There is no denying it, though... I'm whipped. I don't know how I feel about anything. Once my work is done, I will feel better about life. My leadership organization of the Big Kid Games at my church's free community picnic is going a bit slow but moving well enough. I just want August to be over, and to be paid. When I get exhausted, I get whiny! hahaha
I don't think it's an eating issue, but a work and sleep issue. Still, I need to keep an eye on things. So far though, I feel good about all this. It's going well.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 27 - Buckling down
What a huge blessing it is to have coaches who care and know what they're doing. John and Cheryl at CrossFit make this so much easier and I desire to support them in every way possible. If you go to CrossFit Ascend in Rome, NY and you're not happy with your results, ask them what to do. Then do your best version of it. If necessary, once you've dialed it in better, work up to their version... but their version will usually win in the end, and after doing it for two months you won't regret it. At least I haven't.
The WOD today was brutal but I am happy to have done it. I did not think a WOD would shake me to the core just hearing what it was gonna be: a run (200+ meters down a street), with 30 box jumps and 30 wall balls. Five rounds for time. Five? I figured it'd be three. I think a lot of people wished it was three. For a round or two I was one of them! By the end I could have done another round, I think, but I was glad to finish it in 28:15. I worked hard, avoided rest, maximixed focus... I put myself to work even if for a rep or two, even if it sucked, because that gets me going and shows me where I'm really at. So much of this is mental! I'd pause regularly to resharpen focus. I paced myself as strongly as I could. I got it done and went home satisfied. My recovery since has been outstanding. That's CrossFit with paleo eating for ya.
Today I received guidance on tightening up my eating. I'm down to 17 blocks, watching the fat (no doubling up on it!). My version of dialing it in: I will be cutting back on the carbs a tad each meal (one less block per meal compared to the PRO and FAT). I will do dairy a few times a week but not daily. I will do extra fruit once or twice a week but not daily. I will eat a small piece of chocolate at night but not right before bed. I will do one packet of Splenda with some agave nectar and heavy cream in my morning go-cup of coffee. If necessary I may take a coconut water block after workouts and not count it toward the daily intakes.
The key for me here is the little crutches, toothpicks really, that serve to hold me up. All this fits into the scheme of things, but I can snip away the toothpicks when the time comes. Allow me to explain:
I like dairy. Dairy is a kind of no-no because it promotes body acidity, not alkalinity. I'll have a serving of greek yogurt, a glass of whole milk, and a piece of cheese each week where appropriate (it counts toward blocking, of course). If they don't happen, no big deal... I won't play the game of, "Oh, I forgot I get a glass of milk!" If I have an extra one, no big deal. This will give me more options and help me keep variety fun. But as the weeks progress--or sooner if I am not liking the results--this may drop to the occasional serving (maybe once a week). Eventually it'll be less than occasional. Having three servings of dairy a week isn't much, but it gives me an obvious place to go if I discover that I need to.
I like fruit and it is convenient. Having an extra piece (or two) of fruit each week gives me permission to eat healthy on the go. It widens variety and keeps things fun and fresh. Too much fruit promotes acidity and is sugary to boot, but fruit is very good for you. An extra serving here and there is fine, but as the weeks progress... you get me?
I have grown accustomed to dark chocolate before bed. It's good for me but I probably have too much, and at a bad time. I believe in the health benefits and the yumminess, so I'll have some at night, but not right before I hit the hay. I'm cutting back to a single piece of a certain type I buy (75% cocoa dark chocolate which is a good combo of tastes for me). But as the weeks progress...
Same thing with the coffee. I've learned to enjoy it black or with heavy cream, but I prefer it with a little something. (My morning go-cup, by the way, is 20 ounces or more than three six-ounce cups of coffee.) One packet of Splenda per day won't hurt, and a splash of agave gives it something real for my body. The cream is enjoyable as well. If I want, I can just drop the sweetener, then the agave as I dial in tighter.
And, if all goes well for a while, I won't change much. Maybe this plan will work for several weeks without needing alteration, but I doubt it. The dairy and extra fruit will drop away for sure--they're the first to go after I've dropped 15 pounds or so. No matter what, I know this is healthy eating.
There is so much I do that I've never mentioned such as my use of fat: where and when I do coconut oil, my use of butter, adding olive oil, daily but sparing use of nuts. I guess that's for later. Now it's time to press on...
The WOD today was brutal but I am happy to have done it. I did not think a WOD would shake me to the core just hearing what it was gonna be: a run (200+ meters down a street), with 30 box jumps and 30 wall balls. Five rounds for time. Five? I figured it'd be three. I think a lot of people wished it was three. For a round or two I was one of them! By the end I could have done another round, I think, but I was glad to finish it in 28:15. I worked hard, avoided rest, maximixed focus... I put myself to work even if for a rep or two, even if it sucked, because that gets me going and shows me where I'm really at. So much of this is mental! I'd pause regularly to resharpen focus. I paced myself as strongly as I could. I got it done and went home satisfied. My recovery since has been outstanding. That's CrossFit with paleo eating for ya.
Today I received guidance on tightening up my eating. I'm down to 17 blocks, watching the fat (no doubling up on it!). My version of dialing it in: I will be cutting back on the carbs a tad each meal (one less block per meal compared to the PRO and FAT). I will do dairy a few times a week but not daily. I will do extra fruit once or twice a week but not daily. I will eat a small piece of chocolate at night but not right before bed. I will do one packet of Splenda with some agave nectar and heavy cream in my morning go-cup of coffee. If necessary I may take a coconut water block after workouts and not count it toward the daily intakes.
The key for me here is the little crutches, toothpicks really, that serve to hold me up. All this fits into the scheme of things, but I can snip away the toothpicks when the time comes. Allow me to explain:
I like dairy. Dairy is a kind of no-no because it promotes body acidity, not alkalinity. I'll have a serving of greek yogurt, a glass of whole milk, and a piece of cheese each week where appropriate (it counts toward blocking, of course). If they don't happen, no big deal... I won't play the game of, "Oh, I forgot I get a glass of milk!" If I have an extra one, no big deal. This will give me more options and help me keep variety fun. But as the weeks progress--or sooner if I am not liking the results--this may drop to the occasional serving (maybe once a week). Eventually it'll be less than occasional. Having three servings of dairy a week isn't much, but it gives me an obvious place to go if I discover that I need to.
I like fruit and it is convenient. Having an extra piece (or two) of fruit each week gives me permission to eat healthy on the go. It widens variety and keeps things fun and fresh. Too much fruit promotes acidity and is sugary to boot, but fruit is very good for you. An extra serving here and there is fine, but as the weeks progress... you get me?
I have grown accustomed to dark chocolate before bed. It's good for me but I probably have too much, and at a bad time. I believe in the health benefits and the yumminess, so I'll have some at night, but not right before I hit the hay. I'm cutting back to a single piece of a certain type I buy (75% cocoa dark chocolate which is a good combo of tastes for me). But as the weeks progress...
Same thing with the coffee. I've learned to enjoy it black or with heavy cream, but I prefer it with a little something. (My morning go-cup, by the way, is 20 ounces or more than three six-ounce cups of coffee.) One packet of Splenda per day won't hurt, and a splash of agave gives it something real for my body. The cream is enjoyable as well. If I want, I can just drop the sweetener, then the agave as I dial in tighter.
And, if all goes well for a while, I won't change much. Maybe this plan will work for several weeks without needing alteration, but I doubt it. The dairy and extra fruit will drop away for sure--they're the first to go after I've dropped 15 pounds or so. No matter what, I know this is healthy eating.
There is so much I do that I've never mentioned such as my use of fat: where and when I do coconut oil, my use of butter, adding olive oil, daily but sparing use of nuts. I guess that's for later. Now it's time to press on...
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 26 - 295.0 ibs. - Back to Work
I'm focusing on weight loss now, which means I'm just tightening things up as much as I can. It's good to have a goal, and when your goal is legitimately nebulous it's pretty cool! I mean, of course it's concrete: I want to hit four to five WODs hard each week with two endurance days, and eat in a way that supports training with maximum weight loss. I'm committing to six weeks of this, with the caveat that more than anything this is a search... a search for a combination of eating and exercise that works for me, with the knowledge that as I grow leaner and stronger and more fit, it will change! This is what I signed on for.
What I meant was that there's no number I have in mind. I'd like to see the high side of 270 but right now I'm focusing on the process, not the product. This morning I had measurements taken and I hit the scale. After my six weeks I'll take new measurements. I'll be weighing myself alot at first, perhaps, dropping to one or two times a week once I feel I've dialed things in. I'm less afraid of the scale but I know I can still remember how to beat myself with it. Nevertheless I want to discover how often I can use it to motivate me, challenge me, and hold me accountable. I'm guessing two to three weigh-ins per week is plenty.
I've been hitting it hard at CrossFit lately, and had some amazing experiences. My potential is beginning to become reality for me, but just as important is my increasingly realistic perspective on what is good and right for me in fitness. I am so seriously interested in this CrossFit thing, and I am equally serious about learning as much as I can so that I can share this gift with others effectively. It's hard to hold back. I don't want to step on anyone's toes in the box--trainer or trainee--but I recognize the need for patience and prudence. I want to be a help, not a hinderance. But most of all I want to learn more, and have the real stuff. One day not too far off I will get my level 1 cert, if only to have exposed myself fully to this thing called CrossFit in a way that can be shared effectively as well as increase my own abilities. One day I hope to be able to tell someone else not what I'm doing, but what I did and why it worked, so that they can do their own version of it, too.
I don't fear WODs anymore. My CrossFit life has become a repeating course of, "I used to hate (insert exercise here) but now I rock it and love it!" I fully expect many techniques to be like this, and I accept that it's hard. I'm beginning to welcome it, even. I remember bolting for the bathroom at the thought of doing five or eight minutes of kettlebell swings, and now I'd do that in a heartbeat. My brain isn't quite ready but it's ready enough. 3... 2... 1... go!
I will be posting regularly but not daily (that's too much) because frankly, the process promotes my growth and helps me understand what's happening to me. Even when I get my new block prescription I don't think I will be journaling online, but I will be sharing my experiences and little things I discover. This is too cool.
So I press on...
What I meant was that there's no number I have in mind. I'd like to see the high side of 270 but right now I'm focusing on the process, not the product. This morning I had measurements taken and I hit the scale. After my six weeks I'll take new measurements. I'll be weighing myself alot at first, perhaps, dropping to one or two times a week once I feel I've dialed things in. I'm less afraid of the scale but I know I can still remember how to beat myself with it. Nevertheless I want to discover how often I can use it to motivate me, challenge me, and hold me accountable. I'm guessing two to three weigh-ins per week is plenty.
I've been hitting it hard at CrossFit lately, and had some amazing experiences. My potential is beginning to become reality for me, but just as important is my increasingly realistic perspective on what is good and right for me in fitness. I am so seriously interested in this CrossFit thing, and I am equally serious about learning as much as I can so that I can share this gift with others effectively. It's hard to hold back. I don't want to step on anyone's toes in the box--trainer or trainee--but I recognize the need for patience and prudence. I want to be a help, not a hinderance. But most of all I want to learn more, and have the real stuff. One day not too far off I will get my level 1 cert, if only to have exposed myself fully to this thing called CrossFit in a way that can be shared effectively as well as increase my own abilities. One day I hope to be able to tell someone else not what I'm doing, but what I did and why it worked, so that they can do their own version of it, too.
I don't fear WODs anymore. My CrossFit life has become a repeating course of, "I used to hate (insert exercise here) but now I rock it and love it!" I fully expect many techniques to be like this, and I accept that it's hard. I'm beginning to welcome it, even. I remember bolting for the bathroom at the thought of doing five or eight minutes of kettlebell swings, and now I'd do that in a heartbeat. My brain isn't quite ready but it's ready enough. 3... 2... 1... go!
I will be posting regularly but not daily (that's too much) because frankly, the process promotes my growth and helps me understand what's happening to me. Even when I get my new block prescription I don't think I will be journaling online, but I will be sharing my experiences and little things I discover. This is too cool.
So I press on...
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, July 18 - Recovered?
Ya know, part of this journey for me is learning to play hurt... all the time. Accepting the bumps, bruises, strains and sprains as inevitable stops on the road is still fresh. Within that is also the reality of knowing when you're licked--and for me, not feeling ashamed of it and not feeling beholden to others' opinions of how I handle it.
I'm blessed that within my circle of fitness friends, I have respect and love, and the understanding that comes with that. It's still new to me to be so deeply involved in this little CrossFit community and instead of hearing, "Just get up and move, you're not working hard enough," I am hearing, "Of course you're whipped and have to recover. You just did something huge for yourself and that's part of it all. Welcome to the club, brother!" It makes me shake just thinking about it... maybe I'm not crazy, just learning.
Thursday I helped a friend move an old 28-inch TV, and by "help" I mean I got it and carried it up the narrow stairs to her apartment for her. I tweaked my hip because it was heavy, and because so much of me was still a little weak that other muscles had to compensate. I still did it, though, and I knew I could--my test lift proved it. There's a little bit of me that is self-scolding, but then again I think of a certain truth... I don't do CrossFit and then shirk everyday life's physical challenges, I do CrossFit so I can better tackle everyday life's challenges overall. If I can hit four WODs a week but can't move my friend's TV, what am I doing?
Saturday was the first day I began to feel anything like myself, physically. I can sort of bound up and down the steep staircase in my house again. I try to be careful because I need a few more weeks, truthfully, but my deep question was finally answered: Will I ever recover from this running thing I did? Today is Monday and we have a church leadership dinner, so no CrossFit tonight for Alice and me. But my knees and ankles still ache, so they get another day of rest. I so much want to hit it good tomorrow, to be back for real. Maybe it'll take a while, or maybe I have to continue constantly adjusting my perception of these things.
Tuesday, though, it's for real and I'm glad. I want to be a bit careful but I'm dying to work on some weaknesses I've noticed over the past month or three. I'm dying to feel right again. I can get a sense of what my CrossFit trainer John might have been feeling after his surgery, and may still feel now and again. I want to work. I want "normal" back, pain and all, because it's better and it's not all painful, anyway! Victory is too sweet.
This week I want to get back on the horse with everything. Eating may include some dairy and a bit more fruit than I want, but it's all leading up to next week. By the time August hits I want to be in full swing and training for weight loss, fitness, and my next "whatever." I really want to drop another pile of pounds, and if I can find a groove where I'm losing weight steadily and still growing more powerful, that'd be great! We'll see what happens. For now, I press on.
I'm blessed that within my circle of fitness friends, I have respect and love, and the understanding that comes with that. It's still new to me to be so deeply involved in this little CrossFit community and instead of hearing, "Just get up and move, you're not working hard enough," I am hearing, "Of course you're whipped and have to recover. You just did something huge for yourself and that's part of it all. Welcome to the club, brother!" It makes me shake just thinking about it... maybe I'm not crazy, just learning.
Thursday I helped a friend move an old 28-inch TV, and by "help" I mean I got it and carried it up the narrow stairs to her apartment for her. I tweaked my hip because it was heavy, and because so much of me was still a little weak that other muscles had to compensate. I still did it, though, and I knew I could--my test lift proved it. There's a little bit of me that is self-scolding, but then again I think of a certain truth... I don't do CrossFit and then shirk everyday life's physical challenges, I do CrossFit so I can better tackle everyday life's challenges overall. If I can hit four WODs a week but can't move my friend's TV, what am I doing?
Saturday was the first day I began to feel anything like myself, physically. I can sort of bound up and down the steep staircase in my house again. I try to be careful because I need a few more weeks, truthfully, but my deep question was finally answered: Will I ever recover from this running thing I did? Today is Monday and we have a church leadership dinner, so no CrossFit tonight for Alice and me. But my knees and ankles still ache, so they get another day of rest. I so much want to hit it good tomorrow, to be back for real. Maybe it'll take a while, or maybe I have to continue constantly adjusting my perception of these things.
Tuesday, though, it's for real and I'm glad. I want to be a bit careful but I'm dying to work on some weaknesses I've noticed over the past month or three. I'm dying to feel right again. I can get a sense of what my CrossFit trainer John might have been feeling after his surgery, and may still feel now and again. I want to work. I want "normal" back, pain and all, because it's better and it's not all painful, anyway! Victory is too sweet.
This week I want to get back on the horse with everything. Eating may include some dairy and a bit more fruit than I want, but it's all leading up to next week. By the time August hits I want to be in full swing and training for weight loss, fitness, and my next "whatever." I really want to drop another pile of pounds, and if I can find a groove where I'm losing weight steadily and still growing more powerful, that'd be great! We'll see what happens. For now, I press on.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Wednesday, July 13 - Recovery Sucks
The phrase "learning experience" gets old. It really does. I suppose that depends on the attitude and, honestly, from whom it eminates. And when it is heard. hahaha Wow that sounds so serious and negative! Seriously, though, I am getting over the euphoria of having completed a challenging 15k road run. That was yesterday.
Now I am trying to recover as well as I can, given my life situation and goals. Anyone who has done anything with physical fitness and faced a challenge like this knows that recovery's a bitch. And for me, the bitch is mean and fickle. She won't give me a break.
Of course this isn't 100% new to me. What's new is the guidance I have from Cheryl & John, my pals at CrossFit, whose expertise and experience have educated me almost as much as the personal experience itself has. What I mean is, they tell me what happened, what is happening, and what might happen, and most of it applies and makes sense. For instance, my energy today just wasn't all there. I think my eating has been good, and though my water consumption this morning was relatively low, it was still good because I tend to drink more than I need anyway. Cheryl wasn't surprised at all. Stuff like that is reassuring.
What I really want is to feel right, to walk into the box ready to perform. Right now I don't have it. I think my performance this week shows different, but nevertheless I am ready to be somewhere else. I'm experiencing a combination of being antsy and dragging ass--or rather, my spirit is antsy but the body cannot comply. I've come to accept the weekly or even daily reality of tweaks, bruises, scrapes and other injuries we work with and through, but this is a bit bigger. I trust it will dissipate. Frustration, regardless of origin or validity, is counterproductive. This is, as has been said, a learning experience and this is part of it.
There's so much positive to take hold of, and I cling to it as I amble through the trough. I can't always be sure of what it is at a given moment but it's there. What my kids saw and see, the changes inside me, the paradigm shift... it will be months before I can truly appreciate this stuff.
Lately I have noticed a different sense of respect. Some of it may reflect changes in the way people treat me now, but I suspect that it comes from changes within. I don't fear myself in the box so much. If I think something's bad for me to do, I say so, and rarely is this seriously challenged. I could abuse such a privilege, and in the past that's been my hallmark (ride the reputation ragged!), but not today. I brought what I brought, I bring what I bring. I don't need everyone to think I'm great, or right. I am better at letting things pass through me if they seem unfair or wrong. I seek a powerful combination of self-respect and humility, and it is washing over me. I hope to absorb as much as possible as I grow.
After I recover, however that goes, I am focusing on weight loss. I'd like to drop some more fat. I've sat firmly in the 290s for four months and I'm ready to lose more. I think it's time. It's not that the scale is my master, and in fact it's the opposite. I just need to see new numbers at some point. I don't want to become a fit but heavy guy, I'd like to drop that fat a bit more rapidly. I discussed this with John and my immediate plan is simple: do what I've been doing, but better.
For me this means stricter discipline for a while. I need to eat less and stick with that. I've been cautioned to be careful because I obviously am eating basically right, and am normally bringing all the energy into the box that I need, so why change too much? I need to re-measure myself to make sure I have the right block prescription, then shave carbs a bit. I also need to exercise more care with cheat meals. I'd like to skip cheats for several weeks, with bits here and there so I can still handle eating "normal" food. Exercise will be four to five WODs and two endurance days, running and rowing. Sounds like fun to me. Really!
I am planning a run Saturday. I was hitting six laps in about 20 minutes before, and even then I wondered if I might be capable of more. I want to have my first run be similar, but this time I want to push and see how intense I can stand it, resting only when absolutely needed. John has suggested I do a 5k before October's Copper Wire Run (also 5k) in Camden, and I agree. So how hard can I push in 20 minutes now? After dealing with the Boilermaker, and the hills, and all that... I wonder.
Now I am trying to recover as well as I can, given my life situation and goals. Anyone who has done anything with physical fitness and faced a challenge like this knows that recovery's a bitch. And for me, the bitch is mean and fickle. She won't give me a break.
Of course this isn't 100% new to me. What's new is the guidance I have from Cheryl & John, my pals at CrossFit, whose expertise and experience have educated me almost as much as the personal experience itself has. What I mean is, they tell me what happened, what is happening, and what might happen, and most of it applies and makes sense. For instance, my energy today just wasn't all there. I think my eating has been good, and though my water consumption this morning was relatively low, it was still good because I tend to drink more than I need anyway. Cheryl wasn't surprised at all. Stuff like that is reassuring.
What I really want is to feel right, to walk into the box ready to perform. Right now I don't have it. I think my performance this week shows different, but nevertheless I am ready to be somewhere else. I'm experiencing a combination of being antsy and dragging ass--or rather, my spirit is antsy but the body cannot comply. I've come to accept the weekly or even daily reality of tweaks, bruises, scrapes and other injuries we work with and through, but this is a bit bigger. I trust it will dissipate. Frustration, regardless of origin or validity, is counterproductive. This is, as has been said, a learning experience and this is part of it.
There's so much positive to take hold of, and I cling to it as I amble through the trough. I can't always be sure of what it is at a given moment but it's there. What my kids saw and see, the changes inside me, the paradigm shift... it will be months before I can truly appreciate this stuff.
Lately I have noticed a different sense of respect. Some of it may reflect changes in the way people treat me now, but I suspect that it comes from changes within. I don't fear myself in the box so much. If I think something's bad for me to do, I say so, and rarely is this seriously challenged. I could abuse such a privilege, and in the past that's been my hallmark (ride the reputation ragged!), but not today. I brought what I brought, I bring what I bring. I don't need everyone to think I'm great, or right. I am better at letting things pass through me if they seem unfair or wrong. I seek a powerful combination of self-respect and humility, and it is washing over me. I hope to absorb as much as possible as I grow.
After I recover, however that goes, I am focusing on weight loss. I'd like to drop some more fat. I've sat firmly in the 290s for four months and I'm ready to lose more. I think it's time. It's not that the scale is my master, and in fact it's the opposite. I just need to see new numbers at some point. I don't want to become a fit but heavy guy, I'd like to drop that fat a bit more rapidly. I discussed this with John and my immediate plan is simple: do what I've been doing, but better.
For me this means stricter discipline for a while. I need to eat less and stick with that. I've been cautioned to be careful because I obviously am eating basically right, and am normally bringing all the energy into the box that I need, so why change too much? I need to re-measure myself to make sure I have the right block prescription, then shave carbs a bit. I also need to exercise more care with cheat meals. I'd like to skip cheats for several weeks, with bits here and there so I can still handle eating "normal" food. Exercise will be four to five WODs and two endurance days, running and rowing. Sounds like fun to me. Really!
I am planning a run Saturday. I was hitting six laps in about 20 minutes before, and even then I wondered if I might be capable of more. I want to have my first run be similar, but this time I want to push and see how intense I can stand it, resting only when absolutely needed. John has suggested I do a 5k before October's Copper Wire Run (also 5k) in Camden, and I agree. So how hard can I push in 20 minutes now? After dealing with the Boilermaker, and the hills, and all that... I wonder.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Boilermaker 2011 notes journal
What a journey! Glad it's over but John suggested I journal a few things. After all, I'm an athlete now and I want to do better.
Mile notes and times from watch splits (not accurate w/official time, which was about 90 seconds faster!)
Night before: I felt good about my eating and activity the day before, but I ate my last meal too late. It made my last big poop before the race come later than I wanted it to be. Dinner was broccoli slaw and turkey with butter and coconut oil. Had chocolate at night before bed, as usual for these days anyway.
Race day: Good breakfast, worked well. 4 scrambled eggs cooked in butter and coconut oil, 3 blocks of mixed berries chopped in processor, plus extra coconut oil raw. Drank a whole coconut water before hitting Utica. Ate 2 gels (45 min before, 15 min before start).
Overall: use pure coconut water next time, drink sparingly but more regularly. Take water in small doses from the water stations if necessary, or to wash gel down. Be careful! Also, carry four or five gels; try to eat one every half hour and I’ll still have an extra or two if needed.
Mile notes and times from watch splits (not accurate w/official time, which was about 90 seconds faster!)
M1 13:21
Hard to stay motivated (great crowd though) but I ran alright. It was my second best mile time even with the slight uphill start. It sucks early on but mentally gets better. Also, with real hills coming up, this is a place to push.
M2 15:06
Still struggling. It was here I got over my fear of coming in later than two hours by accepting the fact that I couldn’t hang… very liberating. Lots of motivation around but I failed to capitalize due to the mental battle. Again, push harder here until the real hills come partway through here, when you turn the corner.
M3 16:04
This is up the golf course hill. Sucks ass. Everyone walks so my pride died here and stayed dead, thank God. It was here I began to believe in myself. Running the flatter spots if possible is good, but walking is probably smart for a while. Somewhere toward the end of here I took gel 1.
M4 16:38
Still climbing but there are spots I can maybe try running next time, if I feel up to it. Fewer people but they were big motivators! I drank too much water too fast and had gas & water issues for a good long while.
M5 13:05
Big relief to cross the 4 mile mark at the top of the hill. This is when I knew it was all but over, a feeling bolstered as I ran downhill with that great view. Here I ran better than anywhere, partly because I was going downhill but also because I was feeling great all-round.
M6 17:09
I had hoped to carry the success of the previous mile but hit a wall. I just got mentally weak as the body started to slow down… Might have been a gel issue. Began having breathing issues that might have been mental. I just couldn’t wrap my head around not needing to heave when breathing. It was like my cardio capacity had vastly outstripped my body at this point. Hills go slight up and down but still, it was hard to run long.
M7 17:34
I should have eaten a gel earlier than this. The lack of shade got a bit hot but not too bad. I was still struggling with the breathing thing on and off… again, might have been mental. Still, I felt great. My legs were starting to tire here but I began to feel up to better running so I made the commitment.
M8 15:11
Breathing stuff still bothersome. Here the runs got better as I went downhill. Lots of great support from the few who stayed—very awesome. Still felt good. Had my legs been better I could have ran much more.
M9 16:59
Had last gel early here. Again, gels earlier! Legs were crapping out big. I could have rocked this if I still had decent calves.
M end 6:21
I jogged as much as possible and tried to sprint the finish—went well enough. Calves were smoked pretty much, though.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Tuesday, July 5 - No Turning Back
I'd like to say that since signing on for The Boilermaker 15k run, I've trained and eaten perfectly, and now bask in the glory of that. Right now the opposite is true; I am quite content with, even if a little nervous about, my upcoming running challenge but I have not been a perfect guy. Every weekend I've eaten off track to some degree. My weight bounces between 289 and 295 every week, but my pants size seems to be dropping slightly. I strive for better eating. This week I'm being very strict because of the upcoming run, and I hope to stay that way for just a little while, even if only for an extra week or two, because I'm getting tired of this weight and want to drop another 20 pounds or so.
Exercise, while better than ever, is still not quite where I want it to be. I'm doing more at home (mostly recovery stuff and stretching) but not as much as I'd like. I just don't have the energy... I have so many areas of life under heavy burden that I just haven't devoted as much time and energy as my perfectionist mind had hoped for. Also, I was briefly sidelined by a slight pull of my right quadraceps, and had a lesser but similar injury on the opposite side soon after (probably from compensating). However I am learning how to work through that sort of thing, which is a huge positive. I never knew how powerful certain recovery tools (like rolling out, stretching, liniments, and the like) can be. I'm not 100% but I'm close to it.
Recovery tools and a basic daily regimen of warming up the body, with a little groove-greasing each day, are gonna be essential from now on. The harder I work the more recovery I need. After Sunday's run I will need to remind myself that proper movement and eating will help me get back to business quickly, and I await the amazement when I hit a WOD soon after the run, but this week I just want to work hard and avoid injury. It's like I want to avoid the box altogether on the one hand, fearing that dreaded muscle pull or ligament strain, but am so pumped to work out on the other hand. I also have to ask John & Cheryl, my CrossFit trainers, for some guidance about how to do things in these last days. I plan to eat as strictly as physically possible and get plenty of sleep, for one thing. My last run is tomorrow (Wednesday), with evening WODs today, tomorrow, and maybe Thursday, going very light on Friday and just stretching Saturday.
As for the day itself, I would be lying if I didn't admit to something. I've said it regularly lately: I'm looking to cross the finish line with a heartbeat. I am afraid of having a heart attack or something. I am dealing with this well enough, but I still fear. It grips me on and off. Last week I was supposed to do hanging knees-to-elbows and whatever version of them I did made my chest feel crappy, and now I won't do them. Stuff like that scares me. It was pointed out to me that it doesn't mean I should do them less, it means I should do them more. Perhaps, but maybe after the race and recovery... I have enough fear to carry and toss aside for now.
Still, my overall attitude is positive and I stand on that. I admit my fear so it won't become bigger than it is, then I move on, because at some point in the last few weeks I began to believe that I can run The Boilermaker and finish within the three hour limit. I can't say for sure what the emotions will be like between now and then, but I know I can do it. I've received a lot of encouragement over the last few days--encouragement I desperately need--and I am looking forward to to the victory. I hope to harness that as much as possible during the race. No matter what comes along in the journey, I will put one foot in front of the other until I cross the finish line.
I think weight loss is my next fitness goal. I don't want to pay too much attention to the scale, and people's comments (plus my shrinking pants size) tell me my body is changing, but I'd like to focus on fat for a brief spell. It will be good for my psyche to drop a few pounds. Honestly, I think the course for that is obvious now: get strict and maintain discipline. If I can do four or five WODs a week plus two to three running days, keeping the eating tight, for four weeks I think amazing things might happen. Add to that a daily maintenance and recovery regimen as I previously described, and who knows how fast all things might progress? I want to give myself room here because I have so much "life" to deal with as well, but it's all good! Perfection is impossible; excellence is a goal worth striving for.
So as I said earlier, I wish I could report that since I sterted this I've eaten strictly every day, warmed up and stretched every morning and night, greased the groove every few hours with something, hit every WOD and scheduled run, gotten to bed at a decent hour every night, and have still managed to get my work and life things accomplished. Instead it's a mess! But three things are definitely true: 1) I've done very well with this so far, 2) I've learned a lot and am applying it, and 3) I'm gonna be fine on race day. Amen. I press on.
Exercise, while better than ever, is still not quite where I want it to be. I'm doing more at home (mostly recovery stuff and stretching) but not as much as I'd like. I just don't have the energy... I have so many areas of life under heavy burden that I just haven't devoted as much time and energy as my perfectionist mind had hoped for. Also, I was briefly sidelined by a slight pull of my right quadraceps, and had a lesser but similar injury on the opposite side soon after (probably from compensating). However I am learning how to work through that sort of thing, which is a huge positive. I never knew how powerful certain recovery tools (like rolling out, stretching, liniments, and the like) can be. I'm not 100% but I'm close to it.
Recovery tools and a basic daily regimen of warming up the body, with a little groove-greasing each day, are gonna be essential from now on. The harder I work the more recovery I need. After Sunday's run I will need to remind myself that proper movement and eating will help me get back to business quickly, and I await the amazement when I hit a WOD soon after the run, but this week I just want to work hard and avoid injury. It's like I want to avoid the box altogether on the one hand, fearing that dreaded muscle pull or ligament strain, but am so pumped to work out on the other hand. I also have to ask John & Cheryl, my CrossFit trainers, for some guidance about how to do things in these last days. I plan to eat as strictly as physically possible and get plenty of sleep, for one thing. My last run is tomorrow (Wednesday), with evening WODs today, tomorrow, and maybe Thursday, going very light on Friday and just stretching Saturday.
As for the day itself, I would be lying if I didn't admit to something. I've said it regularly lately: I'm looking to cross the finish line with a heartbeat. I am afraid of having a heart attack or something. I am dealing with this well enough, but I still fear. It grips me on and off. Last week I was supposed to do hanging knees-to-elbows and whatever version of them I did made my chest feel crappy, and now I won't do them. Stuff like that scares me. It was pointed out to me that it doesn't mean I should do them less, it means I should do them more. Perhaps, but maybe after the race and recovery... I have enough fear to carry and toss aside for now.
Still, my overall attitude is positive and I stand on that. I admit my fear so it won't become bigger than it is, then I move on, because at some point in the last few weeks I began to believe that I can run The Boilermaker and finish within the three hour limit. I can't say for sure what the emotions will be like between now and then, but I know I can do it. I've received a lot of encouragement over the last few days--encouragement I desperately need--and I am looking forward to to the victory. I hope to harness that as much as possible during the race. No matter what comes along in the journey, I will put one foot in front of the other until I cross the finish line.
I think weight loss is my next fitness goal. I don't want to pay too much attention to the scale, and people's comments (plus my shrinking pants size) tell me my body is changing, but I'd like to focus on fat for a brief spell. It will be good for my psyche to drop a few pounds. Honestly, I think the course for that is obvious now: get strict and maintain discipline. If I can do four or five WODs a week plus two to three running days, keeping the eating tight, for four weeks I think amazing things might happen. Add to that a daily maintenance and recovery regimen as I previously described, and who knows how fast all things might progress? I want to give myself room here because I have so much "life" to deal with as well, but it's all good! Perfection is impossible; excellence is a goal worth striving for.
So as I said earlier, I wish I could report that since I sterted this I've eaten strictly every day, warmed up and stretched every morning and night, greased the groove every few hours with something, hit every WOD and scheduled run, gotten to bed at a decent hour every night, and have still managed to get my work and life things accomplished. Instead it's a mess! But three things are definitely true: 1) I've done very well with this so far, 2) I've learned a lot and am applying it, and 3) I'm gonna be fine on race day. Amen. I press on.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 28 - Setbacks stink
I pulled or strained quad muscles in both legs over the last few days. It sucks. I thought I had seen my way past it but today, tromping down the stairs, I could really feel it limiting my movement. I practically had to hold myself up with my arms the whole way down. Ugh.
I am trying to cope. I've felt a little negative overall for weeks now, at least on and off. All this stuff--Boilermaker, work, etc.--is weighing on me, I think. I managed not to totally go off the deep end yesterday but I didn't get much done, either. I am struggling to get going. My writing work can get to me sometimes. I do it so well and get paid so well for it, but it takes a toll on me. Basic productivity has been hard to achieve lately. I know if I can tackle my writing, other things will look brighter soon.
My ideal version of how the past several weeks could have gone is nowhere near the real thing. I can't honestly say how I feel about it because it changes so often. I've got to accept reality and move on, but sometimes I wish I could go back in time. There's been little tracking of training or my menu. Maybe I can begin that again but I am so overwhelmed with more important things. My heavy workload and other life things take precedence over CrossFit and the Boilermaker, in the sense that I can so easily let those things dominate my life and my thinking. One thing about me--I have trouble putting my eggs into more than one basket, so to speak. Part of my growth process is learning how to do that better, because daily life depends on it, but it's a weak area for me. I have to stay sober and keep God first in my life, I have to be a husband and father, I have to grow my business, I have people in my life that need me in other ways, and I have to put extra work into my health and fitness.
CrossFit and the supporting lifestyle are such a big part of the whole, and I cannot afford to let it fall by the wayside, but I also have to remember that it's not the sun around which my world revolves. It cannot be. I have hit the reset button. Nevertheless I went to CrossFit last night to pick up my wife. I can't avoid the place, lest I let myself fall away, even though I didn't want to show my face (for no good reason!). I know it's good to show up, even at the end. I saw a WOD on the wall (Chelsea) and I wanted to take part. That's good for me because it keeps me motivated. Tonight I might show up to work out. If someone in the know tells me it's a bad idea, I might just warm up and stretch. If the writing is too heavy, I might just show up at the end. I don't know.
I wish this were easier. This balancing act can get to me sometimes. On days like yesterday, I hate it. Today I'm recovering. I hope tomorrow is better. Either way, I press on.
I am trying to cope. I've felt a little negative overall for weeks now, at least on and off. All this stuff--Boilermaker, work, etc.--is weighing on me, I think. I managed not to totally go off the deep end yesterday but I didn't get much done, either. I am struggling to get going. My writing work can get to me sometimes. I do it so well and get paid so well for it, but it takes a toll on me. Basic productivity has been hard to achieve lately. I know if I can tackle my writing, other things will look brighter soon.
My ideal version of how the past several weeks could have gone is nowhere near the real thing. I can't honestly say how I feel about it because it changes so often. I've got to accept reality and move on, but sometimes I wish I could go back in time. There's been little tracking of training or my menu. Maybe I can begin that again but I am so overwhelmed with more important things. My heavy workload and other life things take precedence over CrossFit and the Boilermaker, in the sense that I can so easily let those things dominate my life and my thinking. One thing about me--I have trouble putting my eggs into more than one basket, so to speak. Part of my growth process is learning how to do that better, because daily life depends on it, but it's a weak area for me. I have to stay sober and keep God first in my life, I have to be a husband and father, I have to grow my business, I have people in my life that need me in other ways, and I have to put extra work into my health and fitness.
CrossFit and the supporting lifestyle are such a big part of the whole, and I cannot afford to let it fall by the wayside, but I also have to remember that it's not the sun around which my world revolves. It cannot be. I have hit the reset button. Nevertheless I went to CrossFit last night to pick up my wife. I can't avoid the place, lest I let myself fall away, even though I didn't want to show my face (for no good reason!). I know it's good to show up, even at the end. I saw a WOD on the wall (Chelsea) and I wanted to take part. That's good for me because it keeps me motivated. Tonight I might show up to work out. If someone in the know tells me it's a bad idea, I might just warm up and stretch. If the writing is too heavy, I might just show up at the end. I don't know.
I wish this were easier. This balancing act can get to me sometimes. On days like yesterday, I hate it. Today I'm recovering. I hope tomorrow is better. Either way, I press on.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wednesday, June 15 - Busting Old Paradigms
It isn't gonna get easier. I have a growing workload, a Bible that gathered more dust last week than it should have, and a lot of training to do. It's all good, though. I am okay! My training is going well, work is fine, and my Bible isn't dusty anymore. No fooling, though... I have a huge task ahead of me so I mention it because it's part of my life, then set the reality aside because I have other things to do right now. I cannot stare at the future. It's too big and too bright.
Today I did Turkish get-ups with a 26 lb kettlebell. Monday I did them with an 18 lb KB for the first time in maybe six months. I think I'll be able to go up to the 35 lb KB soon enough, as my technique is improving along with my confidence, and I'm getting stronger, too. It's exciting because moving my body with authority is not something I'm used to. It's as foreign to me as the idea that I might honestly stay off the scale without feeling guilty and still improve.
These shifts in the way I think are happening regularly enough, and with enough good reinforcement, that they don't freak me out so much anymore. Acceptance is the beginning of the answer to most everything. It's not the end but without it, my efforts bear little fruit. Surrender is also a good word for this, when used properly.
When I get ready to hit a workout it's often a very different experience than I anticipate, but it's always a worthy experience as long as I'm honest with--but not too hard on--myself. Doing 20 sumo dead lifts with a 75 lb Olympic bar, then doing 20 box jumps (even my low ones), four times in a row, that's an experience! I enjoyed it more afterward, but I think I'm able to appreciate it in the middle of the battle as well. When it was over I took a little walk down the hall to cool down. I am so well-hydrated these days that even though I was sweaty from head to toe, I still had to pee... and I weighed in at 293 this morning! A little drink and a walk back to the box, and I was ready for a cash-out. We didn't do one but I could have. I almost grabbed an Ab-mat for self-imposed Tabata sit-ups, Janda-style. I think for today, though, I've done enough. It's nice to be ready, though. That's paleo for ya.
This week I'm trying to track my eating and exercise more thoroughly. It's slow going but if I can get it down by the weekend, I'm good. I don't anticipate setting this aside for several months because I'm pumped, and I will not be deviating from the "plan" until after the Boilermaker, and then only as much as I dare, because if the results keep flowing in like they have been I want God's river to keep flowing! If I keep working and praying, I'll keep receiving, somehow, some way. When tracking there'll be no points, though (paleo points, not Weight Watchers). I won't look at food like that anymore unless I have to.
Also, I'm doing less "Zone blocking," or strictly maintaining measured ratios of macronutrients (fat, carbs, and protein) during every meal, and moving more toward straight paleo diet, which means less carbs. I still measure my food but I eat more or less depending on what my body says, mostly meat and eggs, healthy fats (with some butter), and veggies with no dairy and limited fruit. This is how God made us--to eat when we're hungry in response to what our body needs, feeding it the best available food we can. I'm so happy to be able to do this credibly. The quest for perfection has always hamstrung me; learning to strive for improvement toward excellence, that's much better. It's a weird place to be.
I may spice this blog up a bit over the coming weeks because I find that not only do I have an audience that cares, I would like to post pictures or things like that. We'll see... I have a finite amount of energy and time in a day, so I'm careful as to how I spend it, lest I forget that I have enough for each day.
Today I did Turkish get-ups with a 26 lb kettlebell. Monday I did them with an 18 lb KB for the first time in maybe six months. I think I'll be able to go up to the 35 lb KB soon enough, as my technique is improving along with my confidence, and I'm getting stronger, too. It's exciting because moving my body with authority is not something I'm used to. It's as foreign to me as the idea that I might honestly stay off the scale without feeling guilty and still improve.
These shifts in the way I think are happening regularly enough, and with enough good reinforcement, that they don't freak me out so much anymore. Acceptance is the beginning of the answer to most everything. It's not the end but without it, my efforts bear little fruit. Surrender is also a good word for this, when used properly.
When I get ready to hit a workout it's often a very different experience than I anticipate, but it's always a worthy experience as long as I'm honest with--but not too hard on--myself. Doing 20 sumo dead lifts with a 75 lb Olympic bar, then doing 20 box jumps (even my low ones), four times in a row, that's an experience! I enjoyed it more afterward, but I think I'm able to appreciate it in the middle of the battle as well. When it was over I took a little walk down the hall to cool down. I am so well-hydrated these days that even though I was sweaty from head to toe, I still had to pee... and I weighed in at 293 this morning! A little drink and a walk back to the box, and I was ready for a cash-out. We didn't do one but I could have. I almost grabbed an Ab-mat for self-imposed Tabata sit-ups, Janda-style. I think for today, though, I've done enough. It's nice to be ready, though. That's paleo for ya.
This week I'm trying to track my eating and exercise more thoroughly. It's slow going but if I can get it down by the weekend, I'm good. I don't anticipate setting this aside for several months because I'm pumped, and I will not be deviating from the "plan" until after the Boilermaker, and then only as much as I dare, because if the results keep flowing in like they have been I want God's river to keep flowing! If I keep working and praying, I'll keep receiving, somehow, some way. When tracking there'll be no points, though (paleo points, not Weight Watchers). I won't look at food like that anymore unless I have to.
Also, I'm doing less "Zone blocking," or strictly maintaining measured ratios of macronutrients (fat, carbs, and protein) during every meal, and moving more toward straight paleo diet, which means less carbs. I still measure my food but I eat more or less depending on what my body says, mostly meat and eggs, healthy fats (with some butter), and veggies with no dairy and limited fruit. This is how God made us--to eat when we're hungry in response to what our body needs, feeding it the best available food we can. I'm so happy to be able to do this credibly. The quest for perfection has always hamstrung me; learning to strive for improvement toward excellence, that's much better. It's a weird place to be.
I may spice this blog up a bit over the coming weeks because I find that not only do I have an audience that cares, I would like to post pictures or things like that. We'll see... I have a finite amount of energy and time in a day, so I'm careful as to how I spend it, lest I forget that I have enough for each day.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sunday, June 12 - Liberation
Thanks, everyone, for letting me know you care. It is great and very motivating to have an audience or, better yet, to have friends who want to take part. And posting regularly is good for me, it seems--people actually read this so I better stick with it! The definition of "regularly" is, of course, fluid.
The Boilermaker is fast approaching and I would rather have waited to sign up. Then I could have simply said, "Oops, oh well, maybe next year!" when it filled up in record time. Instead, I'm one of the lucky 13,000. If I had really wrapped my head around that number, I might have skipped it in favor of a 5k or something.
No worries, though. I'll be at the back of the pack and a good 12,000 people will have crossed the finish line before me, so I'm thinking I won't have much of a crowd to bother me. ;) I have no illusions about what it will probably be like. I'll be going ten miles in what may very well be hot and humid weather. I will need to be well set-up beforehand, well hydrated, and maintain hydration with whatever people hand to me as I plod along.
Besides that, if I hadn't signed up I'd have probably kept slacking off diet-wise and gone nowhere for another few months. I really do want to bust my butt for the Copper Wire Run in October, and give my son Brad (who does cross-country at Camden High) a scare for a few minutes anyway. If I run the Boilermaker and lose a few more pounds in the interim, I might be able to do that. Heck, I might show him and his teammates a thing or two about real fitness.
Through CrossFit I am liberated from traditional training, traditional perspectives on eating, and a scale-centric view. The girl at Fleet Feet fitting me for good running footwear grilled me on training, and I knew what lies to tell--I didn't need to hear anything contrary to what I know is right for this hardcore idiot. I have no intention of training in any way other than what John at CrossFit says to do. Which is to say, I miss dairy!
I'll go into things more as the time goes by. I'll be posting daily menus but not necessarily every day. I'll also post my workouts. It'll be annoyingly time consuming but fun! Expect it at end-of-day, if at all, for that day.
Until then, I press on.
Kev
The Boilermaker is fast approaching and I would rather have waited to sign up. Then I could have simply said, "Oops, oh well, maybe next year!" when it filled up in record time. Instead, I'm one of the lucky 13,000. If I had really wrapped my head around that number, I might have skipped it in favor of a 5k or something.
No worries, though. I'll be at the back of the pack and a good 12,000 people will have crossed the finish line before me, so I'm thinking I won't have much of a crowd to bother me. ;) I have no illusions about what it will probably be like. I'll be going ten miles in what may very well be hot and humid weather. I will need to be well set-up beforehand, well hydrated, and maintain hydration with whatever people hand to me as I plod along.
Besides that, if I hadn't signed up I'd have probably kept slacking off diet-wise and gone nowhere for another few months. I really do want to bust my butt for the Copper Wire Run in October, and give my son Brad (who does cross-country at Camden High) a scare for a few minutes anyway. If I run the Boilermaker and lose a few more pounds in the interim, I might be able to do that. Heck, I might show him and his teammates a thing or two about real fitness.
Through CrossFit I am liberated from traditional training, traditional perspectives on eating, and a scale-centric view. The girl at Fleet Feet fitting me for good running footwear grilled me on training, and I knew what lies to tell--I didn't need to hear anything contrary to what I know is right for this hardcore idiot. I have no intention of training in any way other than what John at CrossFit says to do. Which is to say, I miss dairy!
I'll go into things more as the time goes by. I'll be posting daily menus but not necessarily every day. I'll also post my workouts. It'll be annoyingly time consuming but fun! Expect it at end-of-day, if at all, for that day.
Until then, I press on.
Kev
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Thursday, May 19 - Weight approx. 298 lbs. - Reality Bites Again
Well, it will be a few weeks before I'm back below 290. It's kind of disheartening but it's part of the journey, so I have to own it. Here's what happened...
First off, I won the CrossFit challenge. ;) It was hard work and I had tons of help. After winning I celebrated by slacking off a little. Each weekend I ate out, mostly at functions or holiday meals, and as the weeks progressed my eating went farther downhill. When the baseball field opened for business, I started eating their food, too. Looking back I do not think that the almost 15 pounds I've regained comes entirely from that, though.
I also was given the go-ahead in that time, by my doctor, to go off of my blood pressure medication. It's a dual-action med, an ACE inhibitor (I think) and a diuretic. My weight had been going up slightly but steadily until soon after I went off the meds, than it shot up. I've been flirting with 300 ever since. By the day's end my legs and ankles are swollen and my shoes look like mushrooms. I can feel it in my face and neck sometimes. I don't feel too out-of-whack when I get up, but as the day progresses I feel bloated and not as good.
I'm back to working out more, and eating right most of the time, and as the days pass I will make alterations to the plan as necessary. But as I understand it, the change in medication may affect my body for a while as it continues to leave my system. This is how things like this can go! I may put on more weight. I may feel weird for a while. Who knows? Also, my doctor will be taking my BP in the office in a week or so. If he's not happy, I may have to go back to the meds or, if I have my way, I might be able to try a lesser medication, such as a diuretic alone.
Either way I have to accept reality here, and that is two-fold in thei case. First, I am responsible in part for this mess. I went a bit off the deep end. Yet I need to learn through doing, and this is part of the process so I can't regret it forever or resent myself here. Time to move on. Also, the medication issue is just part of the process, too. I'm no victim, and if I have to go back to meds for a while, I need to accept that as cheerfully as possible and keep working hard. It is God, not I, who decides how this all goes. I can influence but not determine.
The worldly American is taught that results are everything, the natural consequence of doing right--if you don't get "it," it's your fault; if you do get "it" it doesn't matter so much how you did it. In truth the process is everything. The process is so much more important because how you do what you do says more about who you are than the results do. We don't seem to by this in America. It's not that results have no value, they're just overvalued.
If I do my best, stay on top of things, and keep growing, all will be as well as can be. I'll get "there" eventually. There will be bumps in the road but if my attitude is good and my process is sound, I will simply grow stronger from them. This is one of those times.
First off, I won the CrossFit challenge. ;) It was hard work and I had tons of help. After winning I celebrated by slacking off a little. Each weekend I ate out, mostly at functions or holiday meals, and as the weeks progressed my eating went farther downhill. When the baseball field opened for business, I started eating their food, too. Looking back I do not think that the almost 15 pounds I've regained comes entirely from that, though.
I also was given the go-ahead in that time, by my doctor, to go off of my blood pressure medication. It's a dual-action med, an ACE inhibitor (I think) and a diuretic. My weight had been going up slightly but steadily until soon after I went off the meds, than it shot up. I've been flirting with 300 ever since. By the day's end my legs and ankles are swollen and my shoes look like mushrooms. I can feel it in my face and neck sometimes. I don't feel too out-of-whack when I get up, but as the day progresses I feel bloated and not as good.
I'm back to working out more, and eating right most of the time, and as the days pass I will make alterations to the plan as necessary. But as I understand it, the change in medication may affect my body for a while as it continues to leave my system. This is how things like this can go! I may put on more weight. I may feel weird for a while. Who knows? Also, my doctor will be taking my BP in the office in a week or so. If he's not happy, I may have to go back to the meds or, if I have my way, I might be able to try a lesser medication, such as a diuretic alone.
Either way I have to accept reality here, and that is two-fold in thei case. First, I am responsible in part for this mess. I went a bit off the deep end. Yet I need to learn through doing, and this is part of the process so I can't regret it forever or resent myself here. Time to move on. Also, the medication issue is just part of the process, too. I'm no victim, and if I have to go back to meds for a while, I need to accept that as cheerfully as possible and keep working hard. It is God, not I, who decides how this all goes. I can influence but not determine.
The worldly American is taught that results are everything, the natural consequence of doing right--if you don't get "it," it's your fault; if you do get "it" it doesn't matter so much how you did it. In truth the process is everything. The process is so much more important because how you do what you do says more about who you are than the results do. We don't seem to by this in America. It's not that results have no value, they're just overvalued.
If I do my best, stay on top of things, and keep growing, all will be as well as can be. I'll get "there" eventually. There will be bumps in the road but if my attitude is good and my process is sound, I will simply grow stronger from them. This is one of those times.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 2 - Weight approx. 290 lbs. - Walking It Out
It's official: I'm off the BP meds. I hope to never see them again.
I haven't weighed myself in a few days because frankly, I don't want to watch the rollercoaster. I ate okay all week, with a few over-do-its that still involved the right nutrient ratios and foods, followed by junk on Saturday and Sunday, but overall I did okay. The struggle: staying focused on this stuff. The problem: overload of life wrecks planning, which translates into tougher times during the week.
Still, having done what I've done, I know my weight is still around 290. If it's high today, it'll be down tomorrow and Wednesday. I don't mind hovering here for a while but it's time to get moving again. I just have so much work strife to fight through that I can't focus on that now, not so much, but still I keep walking it out. Some part of losing all this weight and growing more fit is learning not to gain it all back, so like the diver, I must be unafraid to sit at different depths as I acclimate, repeatedly, until I can finally breath fresh air at the surface.
My work in the box at CrossFit is proving difficult, as usual, but also REWARDING AS USUAL. I struggle to get in three WODs a week because of work and life. I'm thinking that my regular four- and five-WOD weeks are gonna be a reality again soon, though, but I was beginning to doubt myself, to look at what I was doing and how I was doing it... Where is the intensity now? Where is that gut feeling that I have to push harder to survive and thrive? Where's the gut-wrenching fear? I have begun to wonder if it's an act with me these days. Am I not a habitual cheater and liar, a sympathy-hound looking for absolution because despte all evidence to the contrary, I can't really do what I'm so obviously doing?!? Can I?
I am so dreadfully used to the fear and surprise, that shamefully I must admit that I miss the wall, the moment where I get to quit because "I'm fat" or "I physically cannot do that." They're honest reasons, but I wait for the failure point and it doesn't come, so the inevitable conclusion is that I must simply keep going until I hit the wall for real. And so lately, in the box, that's what I've tried to do.
Here's what happened.
Saturday I did the WOD in 17:35. We ran/jogged outside (using pose form if possible) at whatever pace we could for a quarter-mile, then did 50 squats of body weight, and repeated it to get to one mile and 200 squats. Since it was our first running WOD John mentioned that if our bodies couldn't take it, or a part (like a knee) was troublesome, there was no shame in shortening or modifying it drastically because, well, it was the first time back. I was a potential target for that fairly and honestly offered trapdoor. I did not need it. I never walked or gave up. I waited for the need to quit but it never came. In fact, I think if I did it again this coming Saturday, I'd do better. I felt great just finishing. Even though it's early, I thought for the first time that maybe, just maybe, I could do the Boilermaker for real in July.
I drove the neighborhood counting road trails and found good quarter- and half-mile courses around the block. I also found a 5k I can do. I am actually beginning to think I can maybe run. What's more, despite a pounding one mile a few days before (in Vibram Five-Fingers!), my legs and feet feel decent for some reason. They're supposed to be killing me.
Today, I did 12 reps of hanging power cleans with front squats, plus seven deep ring rows (instead of pull-ups), for as many rounds as possible in twenty minutes. I did 7 rounds plus 8 reps of the HPC/squats. I have never before successfully held the bar with my fingertips on my shoulders, so the front squat has eluded me... UNTIL TODAY. I still have to work on my form, and my wrists ached and scared me, but I fought the fear, trusted my trainer, and lost another excuse. As my arms and wrists become stronger and more flexible, the platform that is my upper arm and shoulder will become easier to achieve, and my front squats will begin to improve dramatically. I started at the girl prescription weight (65 lbs) and ended (at 85 lbs) close to the male prescription weight of 95 lbs. I also did 40 2-handed KB swings with the 54 lb. kettlebell almost effortlessly, even doing a few overheads.
It's nice to feel like I'm working hard again. It's nice to see progress again. It's nice to feel good again. I can taste it again, and I want more. So you can imagine my relief at this last Sunday... we prepared food ahead, and thus my eating week will be better.
I feel like I'm back.
I haven't weighed myself in a few days because frankly, I don't want to watch the rollercoaster. I ate okay all week, with a few over-do-its that still involved the right nutrient ratios and foods, followed by junk on Saturday and Sunday, but overall I did okay. The struggle: staying focused on this stuff. The problem: overload of life wrecks planning, which translates into tougher times during the week.
Still, having done what I've done, I know my weight is still around 290. If it's high today, it'll be down tomorrow and Wednesday. I don't mind hovering here for a while but it's time to get moving again. I just have so much work strife to fight through that I can't focus on that now, not so much, but still I keep walking it out. Some part of losing all this weight and growing more fit is learning not to gain it all back, so like the diver, I must be unafraid to sit at different depths as I acclimate, repeatedly, until I can finally breath fresh air at the surface.
My work in the box at CrossFit is proving difficult, as usual, but also REWARDING AS USUAL. I struggle to get in three WODs a week because of work and life. I'm thinking that my regular four- and five-WOD weeks are gonna be a reality again soon, though, but I was beginning to doubt myself, to look at what I was doing and how I was doing it... Where is the intensity now? Where is that gut feeling that I have to push harder to survive and thrive? Where's the gut-wrenching fear? I have begun to wonder if it's an act with me these days. Am I not a habitual cheater and liar, a sympathy-hound looking for absolution because despte all evidence to the contrary, I can't really do what I'm so obviously doing?!? Can I?
I am so dreadfully used to the fear and surprise, that shamefully I must admit that I miss the wall, the moment where I get to quit because "I'm fat" or "I physically cannot do that." They're honest reasons, but I wait for the failure point and it doesn't come, so the inevitable conclusion is that I must simply keep going until I hit the wall for real. And so lately, in the box, that's what I've tried to do.
Here's what happened.
Saturday I did the WOD in 17:35. We ran/jogged outside (using pose form if possible) at whatever pace we could for a quarter-mile, then did 50 squats of body weight, and repeated it to get to one mile and 200 squats. Since it was our first running WOD John mentioned that if our bodies couldn't take it, or a part (like a knee) was troublesome, there was no shame in shortening or modifying it drastically because, well, it was the first time back. I was a potential target for that fairly and honestly offered trapdoor. I did not need it. I never walked or gave up. I waited for the need to quit but it never came. In fact, I think if I did it again this coming Saturday, I'd do better. I felt great just finishing. Even though it's early, I thought for the first time that maybe, just maybe, I could do the Boilermaker for real in July.
I drove the neighborhood counting road trails and found good quarter- and half-mile courses around the block. I also found a 5k I can do. I am actually beginning to think I can maybe run. What's more, despite a pounding one mile a few days before (in Vibram Five-Fingers!), my legs and feet feel decent for some reason. They're supposed to be killing me.
Today, I did 12 reps of hanging power cleans with front squats, plus seven deep ring rows (instead of pull-ups), for as many rounds as possible in twenty minutes. I did 7 rounds plus 8 reps of the HPC/squats. I have never before successfully held the bar with my fingertips on my shoulders, so the front squat has eluded me... UNTIL TODAY. I still have to work on my form, and my wrists ached and scared me, but I fought the fear, trusted my trainer, and lost another excuse. As my arms and wrists become stronger and more flexible, the platform that is my upper arm and shoulder will become easier to achieve, and my front squats will begin to improve dramatically. I started at the girl prescription weight (65 lbs) and ended (at 85 lbs) close to the male prescription weight of 95 lbs. I also did 40 2-handed KB swings with the 54 lb. kettlebell almost effortlessly, even doing a few overheads.
It's nice to feel like I'm working hard again. It's nice to see progress again. It's nice to feel good again. I can taste it again, and I want more. So you can imagine my relief at this last Sunday... we prepared food ahead, and thus my eating week will be better.
I feel like I'm back.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 57 - Weight 289.4 lbs. - Final Daily Post
Today is the last day, complete with a final block of paleo-iffy chocolate, putting me at 29 points. I'll stand on that. I like my pre-CrossFit choco-snack with Tara chocolate (fat block!!!), almond butter, natural 80% dark Ugandan chocolate, some natural deli meat, and a tarantula butt (a.k.a kiwi fruit). Tell me, doesn't a kiwi fruit look like a tarantula butt?
Had I known chocolate was a point, I might not have tried it. That would have been a mistake, in my book. Perhaps I'd have had it less often--who knows if it'd have helped me or hurt me? But either way, honest marking is what it is. If you're gonna tackle this lifestyle change thing head on, you have to be somewhat uncompromising, but there has to be some elasticity as well. You can't sink into a pit of depression because you broke down and got the cheese fries once.
Yet you empower yourself greatly each time you forego the cheese fries. That shamrock shake you can't miss in March, well, it'll taste the same next March. Pizza is great, just don't have it often--in fact, make healthy food so yummy that the kids beg to try it! It worked for us. And if you keep from indulging over and over, it gets easier. Now, I can't wait to go out. If I went out twice a month I'd still live. I just have to decide if I'm willing to accept whatever consequences there are. And if I do things right, the consequences are that I enjoy myself instead of feeling guilty.
Thanks to CrossFit's paleo Zone eating, I've finally found a diet I can live with, have fun with, and get GREAT results with. As Cheryl has said a million times, if you go off for one meal due to a night out or something, just go right back on so all those chemical balances don't get out of whack. And as my trainer buddy Ralph at the YMCA has said a million times, have a cheat meal, not a cheat day. This paleo Zone thing makes that not only possible, it's favorable. You gotta keep ties with regular American crap food so you don't get sensitized. May as well enjoy the practice! Also, as with all things CrossFit, variation and surprising the system are good things to do once in a while.
I'll keep posting once or twice a week. Why not? If I have to ditch it I will, if not, I'll just enjoy the ride. Either way, I hope you, reader, got something out of this. That'd make this just that more valuable and special.
Love, Kevin ;)
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 HB egg, 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup broccoli
- 1/2 cup blackberries, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 15g chopped nuts
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili
Snack (2 blocks)
- 4 Tricia meatballs, 1/2 cup natural salsa
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, a pile of spinach
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block dark 80% chocolate, 1 Tara chocolate, 1 kiwi fruit, 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 2 oz. natural deli meat
Dinner (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, ~2 cups spaghetti squash
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I will never post my menus regularly again. Thank God. I'm so sick of that. Really. ;)
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points: 29
Yay! I did it!
Had I known chocolate was a point, I might not have tried it. That would have been a mistake, in my book. Perhaps I'd have had it less often--who knows if it'd have helped me or hurt me? But either way, honest marking is what it is. If you're gonna tackle this lifestyle change thing head on, you have to be somewhat uncompromising, but there has to be some elasticity as well. You can't sink into a pit of depression because you broke down and got the cheese fries once.
Yet you empower yourself greatly each time you forego the cheese fries. That shamrock shake you can't miss in March, well, it'll taste the same next March. Pizza is great, just don't have it often--in fact, make healthy food so yummy that the kids beg to try it! It worked for us. And if you keep from indulging over and over, it gets easier. Now, I can't wait to go out. If I went out twice a month I'd still live. I just have to decide if I'm willing to accept whatever consequences there are. And if I do things right, the consequences are that I enjoy myself instead of feeling guilty.
Thanks to CrossFit's paleo Zone eating, I've finally found a diet I can live with, have fun with, and get GREAT results with. As Cheryl has said a million times, if you go off for one meal due to a night out or something, just go right back on so all those chemical balances don't get out of whack. And as my trainer buddy Ralph at the YMCA has said a million times, have a cheat meal, not a cheat day. This paleo Zone thing makes that not only possible, it's favorable. You gotta keep ties with regular American crap food so you don't get sensitized. May as well enjoy the practice! Also, as with all things CrossFit, variation and surprising the system are good things to do once in a while.
I'll keep posting once or twice a week. Why not? If I have to ditch it I will, if not, I'll just enjoy the ride. Either way, I hope you, reader, got something out of this. That'd make this just that more valuable and special.
Love, Kevin ;)
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 HB egg, 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup broccoli
- 1/2 cup blackberries, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 15g chopped nuts
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili
Snack (2 blocks)
- 4 Tricia meatballs, 1/2 cup natural salsa
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, a pile of spinach
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block dark 80% chocolate, 1 Tara chocolate, 1 kiwi fruit, 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 2 oz. natural deli meat
Dinner (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, ~2 cups spaghetti squash
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I will never post my menus regularly again. Thank God. I'm so sick of that. Really. ;)
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points: 29
Yay! I did it!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Day 56 - Weight 289.6 lbs. - The Final Countdown
I'll post a menu for the day but this is all about summing it up and making sense of what I've been doing.
You probably do not know what this means to me. I don't know if I'll have "won" or not. I'd like to, but it's not a big deal. The Big Deal is two-fold: one, the results drive me to continue the fight beyond the challenge, and two, I didn't quit. I've lost weight and gained muscle. I went through some crazy stuff. There were times that I wondered if I should continue. I had to walk step by step forward in faith until the light broke as I passed through tunnel after tunnel, until I hit The Zone. I wanna ride it forever. I can honestly say that I'm never going back.
It's the 'not quitting thing' that really rocks me. I usually quit. It's what I do, or have done, anyway. There are times when you run out of steam, or life gets in the way, or you just have to make a tough decision others may disagree with, but I did my best to avoid excuses and walk this out to the end. I thank God I did, because I'm in a whole new world now. Special thanks to Cheryl, John, and all my friends at CrossFit as well as everyone else who's given me endless encouragement, and especially my wife Alice who has walked by my side this whole time--so much so that she's a CrossFit girl herself now.
When it hurts, when you're scared, when what's happening to you can't be easily explained but it's bad, when you smell the bear scat and hear the rustling, when the territory is virgin and you've only got 18 rounds left in the magazine with no food, there are no excuses and you gotta dig deep. And I have finally discovered that I can do that. I haven't reached the depths or gone as far as I think I can, but I can see it and taste it now. It's real.
My old trainer Tom, who took me on a powerful but perhaps ill-advised hike of Giant Mt. in the Adirondacks (a High Peak) several years ago, told me something similar: The mountain doesn't care. It just "is." You can make it down, you can fall and die, you can cry or laugh, but the mountain doesn't care.
I needed that.
So now, armed with this truth, will I keep up the good work or do what I have so often done in the past--that is, feel good about the accolades and then drop out? I'm gonna keep going. It'll be less strict in some ways, stricter in others, and I'll keep my mind open to more learning because remaining teachable is one of the most important things in life.
I will also be going out to eat sometime soon. Sushi, anyone? I'm gonna plow down as much raw tuna, whitefish, squid, octopus, salmon, and cooked eel as will fit into my tummy. Each comes sleeping on its own bed of rice, secured by wasabi glue and perhaps a bit of seaweed, waiting to be dipped into a mixture of soy sauce and wasabi just before going into the front end of the energy factory.
Today has been spent cooking and relaxing. My knee is iffy and a tad swollen inside and I'm concerned about the Monday night WOD, but I'll live. I wanted to make sure we're ready for a good week because I suspect this coming weekend will, as I mentioned, involve restuarant eating. And I have benchmark WODs to hit this week.
Praise God. In the name of Jesus, I press on, gratefully.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 HB egg, 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup green beans
- 1/2 cup blackberries, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 15g chopped nuts
Snack (1 block)
- 1 oz. chicken, 1/2 tsp. coconut oil, 2/3 cup strawberries
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, 1 apple
Snack (4 blocks)
- 8 Tricia meatballs, 1/2 cup sauce, 1 tbsp. c-raisins
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 6 oz. paleo meatloaf, 1 cup green beans, 1/2 tsp. butter,
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
It's all good! Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 28
You probably do not know what this means to me. I don't know if I'll have "won" or not. I'd like to, but it's not a big deal. The Big Deal is two-fold: one, the results drive me to continue the fight beyond the challenge, and two, I didn't quit. I've lost weight and gained muscle. I went through some crazy stuff. There were times that I wondered if I should continue. I had to walk step by step forward in faith until the light broke as I passed through tunnel after tunnel, until I hit The Zone. I wanna ride it forever. I can honestly say that I'm never going back.
It's the 'not quitting thing' that really rocks me. I usually quit. It's what I do, or have done, anyway. There are times when you run out of steam, or life gets in the way, or you just have to make a tough decision others may disagree with, but I did my best to avoid excuses and walk this out to the end. I thank God I did, because I'm in a whole new world now. Special thanks to Cheryl, John, and all my friends at CrossFit as well as everyone else who's given me endless encouragement, and especially my wife Alice who has walked by my side this whole time--so much so that she's a CrossFit girl herself now.
When it hurts, when you're scared, when what's happening to you can't be easily explained but it's bad, when you smell the bear scat and hear the rustling, when the territory is virgin and you've only got 18 rounds left in the magazine with no food, there are no excuses and you gotta dig deep. And I have finally discovered that I can do that. I haven't reached the depths or gone as far as I think I can, but I can see it and taste it now. It's real.
My old trainer Tom, who took me on a powerful but perhaps ill-advised hike of Giant Mt. in the Adirondacks (a High Peak) several years ago, told me something similar: The mountain doesn't care. It just "is." You can make it down, you can fall and die, you can cry or laugh, but the mountain doesn't care.
I needed that.
So now, armed with this truth, will I keep up the good work or do what I have so often done in the past--that is, feel good about the accolades and then drop out? I'm gonna keep going. It'll be less strict in some ways, stricter in others, and I'll keep my mind open to more learning because remaining teachable is one of the most important things in life.
I will also be going out to eat sometime soon. Sushi, anyone? I'm gonna plow down as much raw tuna, whitefish, squid, octopus, salmon, and cooked eel as will fit into my tummy. Each comes sleeping on its own bed of rice, secured by wasabi glue and perhaps a bit of seaweed, waiting to be dipped into a mixture of soy sauce and wasabi just before going into the front end of the energy factory.
Today has been spent cooking and relaxing. My knee is iffy and a tad swollen inside and I'm concerned about the Monday night WOD, but I'll live. I wanted to make sure we're ready for a good week because I suspect this coming weekend will, as I mentioned, involve restuarant eating. And I have benchmark WODs to hit this week.
Praise God. In the name of Jesus, I press on, gratefully.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 HB egg, 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup green beans
- 1/2 cup blackberries, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 15g chopped nuts
Snack (1 block)
- 1 oz. chicken, 1/2 tsp. coconut oil, 2/3 cup strawberries
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, 1 apple
Snack (4 blocks)
- 8 Tricia meatballs, 1/2 cup sauce, 1 tbsp. c-raisins
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 6 oz. paleo meatloaf, 1 cup green beans, 1/2 tsp. butter,
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
It's all good! Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 28
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 55 - Weight 290.4 lbs. - Winding Down?
I can't be 100% sure but I think Monday, April 4 is the final day and will begin a week of redoing the benchmark WODs from eight weeks ago. Tomorrow, Sunday, is Day 56 so it makes sense. Given the impending end of the challenge, I'm gonna leave a single chocolate block for Monday's pre-WOD snack, which is one point, so I come in under 30 points.
I saw 290 today. I'd like to see 289 by Monday morning, but either way I've already lost more than 25 pounds since the challenge began--that's net weight because I've added meat and lost fat. The truth is that if I keep working, 289 is inevitable, as is 189. It's just a matter of time.
I looked closely in the mirror today while washing my hands at the movie theater, and my face was so different. I can't say for sure that I'm completely sold on my sorry attempt at a moustache--Japanese guys have more than I do--but I like the way it's different. Maybe not recognizing myself is a good thing. That other guy is gone for good. In perusing the CrossFit pics on the Facebook site I got to one of my favorites of Ashley and me post WOD, kinds hanging out together for the camera. That guy has the discipline haircut but his face... it's vaguely familiar but it's not me anymore.
I have begun all these paragraphs with the word "I." That's not the best writing; usually I try to mix it up better. Oh well. God help me if a client reads this stuff...
I might be a wake-up away from seeing 289 on the scale so I must press on.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 HB egg, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup blackberries, 1 cup broccoli
- 15g chopped nuts, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 1/4 cup cottage cheese
Snack (4 blocks)
- 110g sweet potatoes, 6 oz. paleo meatloaf
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 4 oz. natural deli meat, 2/3 tsp. coconut oil, 7 nuts, 1/2 tbsp. c-raisins, 130g sweet potatoes
Snack (2 blocks)
- 2 oz. natural deli meat, 1 oz. paleo meatloaf, 3 nuts, 1/2 tbsp. c-raisins
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 2 oz. paleo meatloaf, 4 oz. chicken, 220g sweet potatoes, 1-1/2 tsp butter
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
So close. Ya know, I've quit just about everything else I've tried. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 28
I saw 290 today. I'd like to see 289 by Monday morning, but either way I've already lost more than 25 pounds since the challenge began--that's net weight because I've added meat and lost fat. The truth is that if I keep working, 289 is inevitable, as is 189. It's just a matter of time.
I looked closely in the mirror today while washing my hands at the movie theater, and my face was so different. I can't say for sure that I'm completely sold on my sorry attempt at a moustache--Japanese guys have more than I do--but I like the way it's different. Maybe not recognizing myself is a good thing. That other guy is gone for good. In perusing the CrossFit pics on the Facebook site I got to one of my favorites of Ashley and me post WOD, kinds hanging out together for the camera. That guy has the discipline haircut but his face... it's vaguely familiar but it's not me anymore.
I have begun all these paragraphs with the word "I." That's not the best writing; usually I try to mix it up better. Oh well. God help me if a client reads this stuff...
I might be a wake-up away from seeing 289 on the scale so I must press on.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 HB egg, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup blackberries, 1 cup broccoli
- 15g chopped nuts, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 1/4 cup cottage cheese
Snack (4 blocks)
- 110g sweet potatoes, 6 oz. paleo meatloaf
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 4 oz. natural deli meat, 2/3 tsp. coconut oil, 7 nuts, 1/2 tbsp. c-raisins, 130g sweet potatoes
Snack (2 blocks)
- 2 oz. natural deli meat, 1 oz. paleo meatloaf, 3 nuts, 1/2 tbsp. c-raisins
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 2 oz. paleo meatloaf, 4 oz. chicken, 220g sweet potatoes, 1-1/2 tsp butter
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
So close. Ya know, I've quit just about everything else I've tried. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 28
Friday, April 1, 2011
Day 54 - Weight 291.2 lbs. - Okay, NOW I'm ready
I had to take a break from all this stuff for a few days (hence the lack of posts). By that, I don't mean "eat off the program," I mean focusing on other things to regain balance that I had obviously lost. It wasn't my body that needed this break. My body was fine, I guess. It was my mind and spirit. I needed to refocus and renew. It is vitally important--whatever the "consequences" to me in this challenge might be as a result--that I recognize where I'm at and act on that knowledge before I get into real trouble.
Our revival meetings at church were huge, and I got back on track with work. I didn't take time to track eating as carefully but I ate right. I didn't block perfectly but, with my experience up to this point, I was able to stay away from temptation and eat basically right. I might have eaten a bit more or less here and there, but as my weight will attest, I didn't do to badly! I missed CrossFit and looked forward to tonight's WOD, during which I pushed myself but had a bit of a tough time. Some minor shoulder pain turned into a "Kevin worries about his heart" issue, and it made a mess of things. I think I could have taken a good 90 seconds--or more--off my WOD time had I not been so afraid for my heart. As you can tell, I survived, as always.
On a lighter note, taking a shower with my wife has become easier now that we're both thinner. Maneuvering to get better coverage by the shower head & all that. You know... no, you don't have to imagine it.
I posted recently that I'd like to see the bottom of 289 before the challenge ends. I don't know if it'll happen but I do know this: What I've been doing rocks! When I hit 287.6 lbs. that will be a loss of 100 pounds since January 2010. Not counting my first official day of the challenge, where I was still carrying water weight from the weekend of not-so-good eating (322.6 lbs.), I consider my true initial weight as the Day 2 number (316.0). That means that as of today, I've lost almost 25 lbs. during the challenge. Truth be told, I wanted to lose twice that. I am not ungrateful or unhappy! In fact I'm thrilled and still driven to win. Also, I recognize that I must have put on some muscle during that time. I must have! I can't easily measure that but given the gains I've made in the box, I've obviously lost more fat than the scale shows.
My pants size has dropped as well, and today I wore size 48 jeans for the first time in a while. Yes, they were a bit tight. I should probably drop another five pounds before wearing them again. But I wore them all day and my kidneys still worked fine.
This challenge is almost over, but the journey begins anew every day. So I press on!
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 HB egg, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1 oz. chicken, 1 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup blackberries, 1 cup broccoli
- 15g chopped nuts, 1/2 tsp. olive oil
Snack (4 blocks)
- 110g sweet potatoes, 1 ugli fruit, 6 oz. paleo meatloaf, 6 nuts
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 3+ cups fry mix, 3 oz. shrimp, 2 oz. chicken, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1-1.2 tsp. butter
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block 85% dark chocolate, 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 1 Tara chocolate, 1 Kiwi fruit
- 2 oz. natural deli meat
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 7.5 oz. paleo meatloaf, 1/2 tsp. butter, 110g sweet potatoes
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Almost there... almost there... Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1 + 1 from the other day
Total points so far: 28
Our revival meetings at church were huge, and I got back on track with work. I didn't take time to track eating as carefully but I ate right. I didn't block perfectly but, with my experience up to this point, I was able to stay away from temptation and eat basically right. I might have eaten a bit more or less here and there, but as my weight will attest, I didn't do to badly! I missed CrossFit and looked forward to tonight's WOD, during which I pushed myself but had a bit of a tough time. Some minor shoulder pain turned into a "Kevin worries about his heart" issue, and it made a mess of things. I think I could have taken a good 90 seconds--or more--off my WOD time had I not been so afraid for my heart. As you can tell, I survived, as always.
On a lighter note, taking a shower with my wife has become easier now that we're both thinner. Maneuvering to get better coverage by the shower head & all that. You know... no, you don't have to imagine it.
I posted recently that I'd like to see the bottom of 289 before the challenge ends. I don't know if it'll happen but I do know this: What I've been doing rocks! When I hit 287.6 lbs. that will be a loss of 100 pounds since January 2010. Not counting my first official day of the challenge, where I was still carrying water weight from the weekend of not-so-good eating (322.6 lbs.), I consider my true initial weight as the Day 2 number (316.0). That means that as of today, I've lost almost 25 lbs. during the challenge. Truth be told, I wanted to lose twice that. I am not ungrateful or unhappy! In fact I'm thrilled and still driven to win. Also, I recognize that I must have put on some muscle during that time. I must have! I can't easily measure that but given the gains I've made in the box, I've obviously lost more fat than the scale shows.
My pants size has dropped as well, and today I wore size 48 jeans for the first time in a while. Yes, they were a bit tight. I should probably drop another five pounds before wearing them again. But I wore them all day and my kidneys still worked fine.
This challenge is almost over, but the journey begins anew every day. So I press on!
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 HB egg, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1 oz. chicken, 1 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup blackberries, 1 cup broccoli
- 15g chopped nuts, 1/2 tsp. olive oil
Snack (4 blocks)
- 110g sweet potatoes, 1 ugli fruit, 6 oz. paleo meatloaf, 6 nuts
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 3+ cups fry mix, 3 oz. shrimp, 2 oz. chicken, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1-1.2 tsp. butter
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block 85% dark chocolate, 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 1 Tara chocolate, 1 Kiwi fruit
- 2 oz. natural deli meat
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 7.5 oz. paleo meatloaf, 1/2 tsp. butter, 110g sweet potatoes
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Almost there... almost there... Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1 + 1 from the other day
Total points so far: 28
Day 51 - Weight 293.2 lbs. - Stay On Target... Stay On Target
Today I resolved not to eat off the plan. I also resolved not to worry too much about the details of that, because our prep this week was a bit lacking. For example, we made all this chicken last week and should probably have frozen some of it. That way it'd not have needed to be thrown out.
I will probably be posting this late, as with the last post, because I need to do some writing and that might involve a late night or early morning.
The challenge ends soon, and though I am struggling right now I wish to end strong. I hope to have better planning in the near future for a spot-on finish.
And so I press on.
Menu
Breakfast (2 blocks)
- 1 HB egg, 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce, 1 string cheese, 7 nuts
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 15g chopped nuts, 1 Tara chocolate, 1/2 cantaloupe
More Lunch (5 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 2 string cheese sticks, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 6 nuts
The rest... I don't even remember but it was no points!
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Gotta keep going... Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
I will probably be posting this late, as with the last post, because I need to do some writing and that might involve a late night or early morning.
The challenge ends soon, and though I am struggling right now I wish to end strong. I hope to have better planning in the near future for a spot-on finish.
And so I press on.
Menu
Breakfast (2 blocks)
- 1 HB egg, 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce, 1 string cheese, 7 nuts
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 15g chopped nuts, 1 Tara chocolate, 1/2 cantaloupe
More Lunch (5 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 2 string cheese sticks, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 6 nuts
The rest... I don't even remember but it was no points!
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Gotta keep going... Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Day 50 - Weight ????? - Don't Sit in the Pit
Praise God! The revival service at church tonight was awesome. I needed a spiritual re-connect.
I want to thank my CrossFit friends who listened to me today. Debbie, Ali & Cheryl helped me get down to brass tacks about what's going on in my life and how to survive it. I came to CrossFit simply to show up. I sort of mailed in the WOD, but that's what I brought today. What I really wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry or something.
The truth is that I've been depressed lately. I have spent so much energy incorporating CrossFit and Paleo eating into my life, through this challenge, that I have let other things slide, like work and Bible study. I fear telling people about some of what I'm going through because I'm afraid they'll speak things into my life that I don't want to hear. This fear is a lie, a manifestation of the imagined thoughts and actions on behalf of other people who didn't even think or do them yet.
Change is difficult, and I've encountered a lot of change lately as well. It's so draining.
I also hope to adhere to a more disciplined routine that starts my day earlier, but there's a hurdle to hop: I seem to have developed a fear of lack of sleep. The importance of sleep cannot be overstated, but I think my fear that I won't get enough is overblown. That tired-in-the-day feeling actually scares me. I need perspective.
Also, I didn't much feel like eating today. I still managed to eat plenty
Menu
Breakfast (2 blocks)
- 110 g sweet potatoes, 2 oz. chicken, 1 tsp. butter
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 15g chopped nuts, 1 Tara chocolate, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1 clementine
More Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups romaine & spinach, 1/2 cup peas, 1/2 cup onions, 2 HB eggs, 2 oz turkey
- 1/3 cup shredded cheese, Low-cal Italian dressing
Dinner-ish (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, 2 cups spaghetti squash
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I still haven't done my writing. Tuesday... or Wednesday. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
I want to thank my CrossFit friends who listened to me today. Debbie, Ali & Cheryl helped me get down to brass tacks about what's going on in my life and how to survive it. I came to CrossFit simply to show up. I sort of mailed in the WOD, but that's what I brought today. What I really wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry or something.
The truth is that I've been depressed lately. I have spent so much energy incorporating CrossFit and Paleo eating into my life, through this challenge, that I have let other things slide, like work and Bible study. I fear telling people about some of what I'm going through because I'm afraid they'll speak things into my life that I don't want to hear. This fear is a lie, a manifestation of the imagined thoughts and actions on behalf of other people who didn't even think or do them yet.
Change is difficult, and I've encountered a lot of change lately as well. It's so draining.
I also hope to adhere to a more disciplined routine that starts my day earlier, but there's a hurdle to hop: I seem to have developed a fear of lack of sleep. The importance of sleep cannot be overstated, but I think my fear that I won't get enough is overblown. That tired-in-the-day feeling actually scares me. I need perspective.
Also, I didn't much feel like eating today. I still managed to eat plenty
Menu
Breakfast (2 blocks)
- 110 g sweet potatoes, 2 oz. chicken, 1 tsp. butter
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 15g chopped nuts, 1 Tara chocolate, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1 clementine
More Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups romaine & spinach, 1/2 cup peas, 1/2 cup onions, 2 HB eggs, 2 oz turkey
- 1/3 cup shredded cheese, Low-cal Italian dressing
Dinner-ish (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, 2 cups spaghetti squash
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I still haven't done my writing. Tuesday... or Wednesday. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
Monday, March 28, 2011
Day 48 & 49 - Weight ??? - Not Ready to Go
Here I am at 4 a.m., realizing I didn't post the other day, having trouble sleeping and not sure why. I feel sort of in limbo. Going to my brother's house is always hard on me. I used to drink there a lot, so when I come home it's like I feel guilty even if I didn't do anything. It's part of what's keeping me awake.
I just figured out the other thing... I'm not ready. I came home so late that I didn't get a chance to be home. I'm not ready to face the week yet. God help me. Monday is here and I am begging to hit the reset button. I am so wound up about it that I want to throw up. It was awesome, though--the boys begged my wife to stay up and greet me. I brought Kevin's new bike home from Mom & Dad's as a surprise, which was fun. Brad did a great job in the kitchen and wanted to show it off, then show me some one-man hunting blinds and stands online. They love me, and I love them. We're a family and it's such a wonderful blessing. What's wrong with me? I feel so broken. I have work to do and it's sort of due, and I feel horrible that I didn't do it last week, but you know what? It's fine. I can get it done this week and all that. I just seem to be in the mood to beat myself up. Gotta stop that.
I ate only the food I brought over the weekend but I got caught up in everything and didn't mark it down anywhere. I didn't eat it all; I just was doing my thing and having fun, then realized I didn't eat it all. I tried to explain to my brother about CrossFit and he might be interested. I don't know. This weekend is like a whirlwind.
Some days it takes a lot of courage to be Kevin. Some moments, like now... here I am, exposing myself to the world, in pain and wondering what to do next. I'll get back to regular posting this morning later. Gotta get back into the swing one way or another. As I've heard so often, and know is true: This too shall pass. My enemy wants me to fold, to toss in the towel, and I won't do it. I don't know for sure how it's all gonna play out but I know God will carry me through. I'll weigh in and get back on the horse. All will be well.
Saturday reconstructed:
Breakfast (5 blocks)
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
Sunday:
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
I just figured out the other thing... I'm not ready. I came home so late that I didn't get a chance to be home. I'm not ready to face the week yet. God help me. Monday is here and I am begging to hit the reset button. I am so wound up about it that I want to throw up. It was awesome, though--the boys begged my wife to stay up and greet me. I brought Kevin's new bike home from Mom & Dad's as a surprise, which was fun. Brad did a great job in the kitchen and wanted to show it off, then show me some one-man hunting blinds and stands online. They love me, and I love them. We're a family and it's such a wonderful blessing. What's wrong with me? I feel so broken. I have work to do and it's sort of due, and I feel horrible that I didn't do it last week, but you know what? It's fine. I can get it done this week and all that. I just seem to be in the mood to beat myself up. Gotta stop that.
I ate only the food I brought over the weekend but I got caught up in everything and didn't mark it down anywhere. I didn't eat it all; I just was doing my thing and having fun, then realized I didn't eat it all. I tried to explain to my brother about CrossFit and he might be interested. I don't know. This weekend is like a whirlwind.
Some days it takes a lot of courage to be Kevin. Some moments, like now... here I am, exposing myself to the world, in pain and wondering what to do next. I'll get back to regular posting this morning later. Gotta get back into the swing one way or another. As I've heard so often, and know is true: This too shall pass. My enemy wants me to fold, to toss in the towel, and I won't do it. I don't know for sure how it's all gonna play out but I know God will carry me through. I'll weigh in and get back on the horse. All will be well.
Saturday reconstructed:
Breakfast (5 blocks)
- 3 eggs, 1 kiwi fruit, 1 cup strawberries, 2 Tara chocolates
Snack (1 block)
- 1 HB egg, 1 clementine, 1 Tara chocolate
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter
- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash
Snack (1 block)
- 1 oz. chicken, 55g sweet potatoes, 1/2 tsp. butter
- 1 oz. chicken, 55g sweet potatoes, 1/2 tsp. butter
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
Sunday:
Snack (1 block)
- 1 HB egg, 1 clementine, 1 Tara chocolate
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter
- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 26
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 47 - Weight 295.2 lbs. - Ready to Go
I'm glad the day's over. Not much to say... I'm hoping to enjoy the weekend with my brother at our fantasy baseball draft, where I'll hit the gym with him and be the one cooking dinner. I'll try to keep up with posts while I'm gone.
I've managed to drop the dairy down to almost nothing, and reduce fruit as well. We'll see how that goes over the coming weeks. And mad props to John for sitting at home and enjoying movies today... can't wait to see him back in the box!
Menu
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1
Total points so far: 26
I've managed to drop the dairy down to almost nothing, and reduce fruit as well. We'll see how that goes over the coming weeks. And mad props to John for sitting at home and enjoying movies today... can't wait to see him back in the box!
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup blackberries, 10g nuts, 1 tsp. olive oil
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1 egg, 1 oz. chicken
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block 72% dark chocolate, 1 Kiwi fruit, 2 oz. chicken
- 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 1 Tara chocolate
Snack (1 block)
- 1 HB egg, 1 clementine, 1 Tara chocolate
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter
- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash
Dinner (~4 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 2 HB eggs, 1/2 oz. natural deli meat, 3 nuts, 1 Tara chocolate
Snack (1 block)
- 1 oz. chicken, 55g sweet potatoes, 1/2 tsp. butter
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and teaSnack (1 block)
- 1 oz. chicken, 55g sweet potatoes, 1/2 tsp. butter
Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1
Total points so far: 26
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day 46 - Weight 297.2 lbs. - Go Dog, Go
I've been thinking about John at CrossFit today, who underwent rotator cuff surgery (successful, he's doing fine), and how I am blessed by the people in my life. Several have come in the door through CrossFit.
The word "blessed" is often defined as "happy," but that isn't quite right. It's more like, "contentedly confident and effusively grateful because of bestowed provision." Or something like that. There is no time in life where it is inappropriate to be grateful for one's blessings, shared and received. A grateful heart has no room for conceit.
I did not get things done today like I wanted, but I got other things done, and it was somewhat relaxing. CrossFit is the focus of my life right now, and as the challenge winds down I'm working on changing that. I may not be able to do some of this the way I want to, but this challenge may have dramatically and permanently changed my life. It has given me a much-needed glimpse into my potential, as well as growing relationships with people who can show me the way. My Christian walk has been like that as well. And it's never as one-sided as it seems. Giving honors all parties involved, and receiving is just one way of looking at the equation.
I have been given so much. God, I ask you to guide me as I try to wisely use what I've been given, to help me give it to others, and to remember where I got it from. It made me wonder how one attains level 1 CrossFit certification, and in response to that musing I checked it out. Since I enjoy the distinction of having a lapsed personal trainer certification, perhaps one day in the not-too-distant future I will have a non-lapsed CrossFit level 1. As they say on the various websites, that kind of thing is good for serious CrossFit people regardless of the intention to train others or become owners.
Menu
I didn't get to the writing at all so I'm writing tomorrow. A lot. Yay. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 25
The word "blessed" is often defined as "happy," but that isn't quite right. It's more like, "contentedly confident and effusively grateful because of bestowed provision." Or something like that. There is no time in life where it is inappropriate to be grateful for one's blessings, shared and received. A grateful heart has no room for conceit.
I did not get things done today like I wanted, but I got other things done, and it was somewhat relaxing. CrossFit is the focus of my life right now, and as the challenge winds down I'm working on changing that. I may not be able to do some of this the way I want to, but this challenge may have dramatically and permanently changed my life. It has given me a much-needed glimpse into my potential, as well as growing relationships with people who can show me the way. My Christian walk has been like that as well. And it's never as one-sided as it seems. Giving honors all parties involved, and receiving is just one way of looking at the equation.
I have been given so much. God, I ask you to guide me as I try to wisely use what I've been given, to help me give it to others, and to remember where I got it from. It made me wonder how one attains level 1 CrossFit certification, and in response to that musing I checked it out. Since I enjoy the distinction of having a lapsed personal trainer certification, perhaps one day in the not-too-distant future I will have a non-lapsed CrossFit level 1. As they say on the various websites, that kind of thing is good for serious CrossFit people regardless of the intention to train others or become owners.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cantaloupe, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 oz. chicken
- 1/2 cantaloupe, 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 oz. chicken
- 20g chopped nuts, 2/3 tbsp. agave nectar
Snack (4 blocks)
- 2 cups Chan chili, 1-2/3 cup spaghetti squash
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter
- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg
Dinner (5 blocks)
- 2 cups spaghetti squash, 1+ cups Chan chili, 2 oz. chicken, 1 Tara chocolate
- 4 nuts, 1 oz. natural deli meat
night tea! Woohoo!
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea- 4 nuts, 1 oz. natural deli meat
night tea! Woohoo!
I didn't get to the writing at all so I'm writing tomorrow. A lot. Yay. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 25
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day 45 - Weight 295.2 lbs. - Again, with the WODs!
Prayers and props out to my pal John going in for shoulder surgery tomorrow. I think he's more nervous than he might like to let on. I also think he's gonna rock the house. We love you, John.
Three WODs in a row is a lot, but it's also something that can be done. Yeah, I'm kinda sore all the time. Yeah, I am sometimes wondering how much of my energy should be focused on this CrossFit thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Complaining is in my nature but my nature is changing. God is great. I'm less sore than I used to be and I recover more rapidly. Once I further grease the groove with this exercise and eating stuff it'll take less work and energy--it'll still be hard work but won't be so tough on my day.
My body does not feel like I did three WODs and an endurance homework over the last three days. This is apparently due to my hard work in the gym; smart work in the gym; learning to self-massage with a lacrosse ball; eating paleo; resting regularly, and getting plenty of sleep. This stupid Paleo eating works. John & Cheryl at CrossFit joked that I was forced to rest Thursday. I feel so good now that I almost don't want to rest. I think I can physically do five WODs a week plus two endurance homeworks. It may not be feasible time-wise, but who knows?
My wife Alice did her first real WOD today and kicked it hard. She felt guilty finishing first, like she must've done something wrong. hahaha The heavier weights will come, Terkey Gerl!
Patience, Daniel-san.
Anyway, I get Thursday off. In a few short days we'll have one week left. Oh, and by the way, I saw 295 on the scale today.
Menu
I will be resting tomorrow by writing a ton. Yay. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1
Total points so far: 25
Three WODs in a row is a lot, but it's also something that can be done. Yeah, I'm kinda sore all the time. Yeah, I am sometimes wondering how much of my energy should be focused on this CrossFit thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Complaining is in my nature but my nature is changing. God is great. I'm less sore than I used to be and I recover more rapidly. Once I further grease the groove with this exercise and eating stuff it'll take less work and energy--it'll still be hard work but won't be so tough on my day.
My body does not feel like I did three WODs and an endurance homework over the last three days. This is apparently due to my hard work in the gym; smart work in the gym; learning to self-massage with a lacrosse ball; eating paleo; resting regularly, and getting plenty of sleep. This stupid Paleo eating works. John & Cheryl at CrossFit joked that I was forced to rest Thursday. I feel so good now that I almost don't want to rest. I think I can physically do five WODs a week plus two endurance homeworks. It may not be feasible time-wise, but who knows?
My wife Alice did her first real WOD today and kicked it hard. She felt guilty finishing first, like she must've done something wrong. hahaha The heavier weights will come, Terkey Gerl!
Patience, Daniel-san.
Anyway, I get Thursday off. In a few short days we'll have one week left. Oh, and by the way, I saw 295 on the scale today.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup blackberries, 10g nuts, 1 tsp. olive oil
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 oz. chicken
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block 72% dark chocolate, 1 Kiwi fruit, 2 oz. chicken
- 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 1 Tara chocolate
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter
- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg
Snack (1 block)
- 1 Tricia egg thingie, 1/4 cup peas, (1/4 tsp. coconut oil)
Dinner (~4 blocks)
- 1-2/3 cups spaghetti squash, 1+ cups Chan chili, 2 oz. chicken, 1 Tara chocolate, 4 nuts
Snack (3 blocks)
- 3 oz. natural deli turkey w/mustard, snow peas, ~1 tbsp. c-raisins, 5 nuts, 1/2 tsp. coconut oil
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and teaSnack (3 blocks)
- 3 oz. natural deli turkey w/mustard, snow peas, ~1 tbsp. c-raisins, 5 nuts, 1/2 tsp. coconut oil
I will be resting tomorrow by writing a ton. Yay. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1
Total points so far: 25
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day 44 - Weight 296.2 lbs. - Oh God, Not Another WOD
I wanted to make five WODs this week and now I'm torn. Here I am, poised to get Wednesday in tomorrow (three in a row, what's wrong with me?), and I realize that Saturday was planned to take place in Saratoga. I want to go to the gym with my brother and show off a bit, working hard and doing cool things. If so, I'd skip the Saturday WOD and any endurance homework which, I admit, I probably don't push as hard on because it's new to me. I could do the Saturday WOD and then endurance homework at the gym with my brother--after all, he said he usually just does cardio on Saturday--but I wanted to do something else my way. WAAAAHH! (lying on floor kicking and screaming)
Either way I guess it's not a big deal. I don't know. I really wanted to have at least one five-WOD week before the challenge ended. If I save the endurance homework for the afternoon in Saratoga, maybe that's better, and I can do whatever I want otherwise--even a few heavy lifts or push-ups or whatever--because the WOD and stuff will be over. That's what I'll do. It'll make everything simpler.
Maybe I'll see 295 on the scale tomorrow, huh? Either way, I press on.
Menu
Either way I guess it's not a big deal. I don't know. I really wanted to have at least one five-WOD week before the challenge ended. If I save the endurance homework for the afternoon in Saratoga, maybe that's better, and I can do whatever I want otherwise--even a few heavy lifts or push-ups or whatever--because the WOD and stuff will be over. That's what I'll do. It'll make everything simpler.
Maybe I'll see 295 on the scale tomorrow, huh? Either way, I press on.
Menu
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup blackberries, 10g nuts, 1 tsp. olive oil
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 oz. chicken
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 block 72% dark chocolate, 1 Kiwi fruit, 2 oz. chicken
- 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 1 Tara chocolate
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter
- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg
Snack (1 block)
- 1 Tricia egg thingie, 1/4 cup peas, (1/4 tsp. coconut oil)
Dinner (4 blocks)
- 1+ cups Chan chili, 1-3/4 cups zucchini spaghetti, 1/3 tsp. olive oil, 1/4 cup greek yogurt
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I think for a while I'm gonna drop the nighttime tea with agave nectar. I want to sleeeeeep. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 1
Total points so far: 24
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