It isn't gonna get easier. I have a growing workload, a Bible that gathered more dust last week than it should have, and a lot of training to do. It's all good, though. I am okay! My training is going well, work is fine, and my Bible isn't dusty anymore. No fooling, though... I have a huge task ahead of me so I mention it because it's part of my life, then set the reality aside because I have other things to do right now. I cannot stare at the future. It's too big and too bright.
Today I did Turkish get-ups with a 26 lb kettlebell. Monday I did them with an 18 lb KB for the first time in maybe six months. I think I'll be able to go up to the 35 lb KB soon enough, as my technique is improving along with my confidence, and I'm getting stronger, too. It's exciting because moving my body with authority is not something I'm used to. It's as foreign to me as the idea that I might honestly stay off the scale without feeling guilty and still improve.
These shifts in the way I think are happening regularly enough, and with enough good reinforcement, that they don't freak me out so much anymore. Acceptance is the beginning of the answer to most everything. It's not the end but without it, my efforts bear little fruit. Surrender is also a good word for this, when used properly.
When I get ready to hit a workout it's often a very different experience than I anticipate, but it's always a worthy experience as long as I'm honest with--but not too hard on--myself. Doing 20 sumo dead lifts with a 75 lb Olympic bar, then doing 20 box jumps (even my low ones), four times in a row, that's an experience! I enjoyed it more afterward, but I think I'm able to appreciate it in the middle of the battle as well. When it was over I took a little walk down the hall to cool down. I am so well-hydrated these days that even though I was sweaty from head to toe, I still had to pee... and I weighed in at 293 this morning! A little drink and a walk back to the box, and I was ready for a cash-out. We didn't do one but I could have. I almost grabbed an Ab-mat for self-imposed Tabata sit-ups, Janda-style. I think for today, though, I've done enough. It's nice to be ready, though. That's paleo for ya.
This week I'm trying to track my eating and exercise more thoroughly. It's slow going but if I can get it down by the weekend, I'm good. I don't anticipate setting this aside for several months because I'm pumped, and I will not be deviating from the "plan" until after the Boilermaker, and then only as much as I dare, because if the results keep flowing in like they have been I want God's river to keep flowing! If I keep working and praying, I'll keep receiving, somehow, some way. When tracking there'll be no points, though (paleo points, not Weight Watchers). I won't look at food like that anymore unless I have to.
Also, I'm doing less "Zone blocking," or strictly maintaining measured ratios of macronutrients (fat, carbs, and protein) during every meal, and moving more toward straight paleo diet, which means less carbs. I still measure my food but I eat more or less depending on what my body says, mostly meat and eggs, healthy fats (with some butter), and veggies with no dairy and limited fruit. This is how God made us--to eat when we're hungry in response to what our body needs, feeding it the best available food we can. I'm so happy to be able to do this credibly. The quest for perfection has always hamstrung me; learning to strive for improvement toward excellence, that's much better. It's a weird place to be.
I may spice this blog up a bit over the coming weeks because I find that not only do I have an audience that cares, I would like to post pictures or things like that. We'll see... I have a finite amount of energy and time in a day, so I'm careful as to how I spend it, lest I forget that I have enough for each day.
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