The phrase "learning experience" gets old. It really does. I suppose that depends on the attitude and, honestly, from whom it eminates. And when it is heard. hahaha Wow that sounds so serious and negative! Seriously, though, I am getting over the euphoria of having completed a challenging 15k road run. That was yesterday.
Now I am trying to recover as well as I can, given my life situation and goals. Anyone who has done anything with physical fitness and faced a challenge like this knows that recovery's a bitch. And for me, the bitch is mean and fickle. She won't give me a break.
Of course this isn't 100% new to me. What's new is the guidance I have from Cheryl & John, my pals at CrossFit, whose expertise and experience have educated me almost as much as the personal experience itself has. What I mean is, they tell me what happened, what is happening, and what might happen, and most of it applies and makes sense. For instance, my energy today just wasn't all there. I think my eating has been good, and though my water consumption this morning was relatively low, it was still good because I tend to drink more than I need anyway. Cheryl wasn't surprised at all. Stuff like that is reassuring.
What I really want is to feel right, to walk into the box ready to perform. Right now I don't have it. I think my performance this week shows different, but nevertheless I am ready to be somewhere else. I'm experiencing a combination of being antsy and dragging ass--or rather, my spirit is antsy but the body cannot comply. I've come to accept the weekly or even daily reality of tweaks, bruises, scrapes and other injuries we work with and through, but this is a bit bigger. I trust it will dissipate. Frustration, regardless of origin or validity, is counterproductive. This is, as has been said, a learning experience and this is part of it.
There's so much positive to take hold of, and I cling to it as I amble through the trough. I can't always be sure of what it is at a given moment but it's there. What my kids saw and see, the changes inside me, the paradigm shift... it will be months before I can truly appreciate this stuff.
Lately I have noticed a different sense of respect. Some of it may reflect changes in the way people treat me now, but I suspect that it comes from changes within. I don't fear myself in the box so much. If I think something's bad for me to do, I say so, and rarely is this seriously challenged. I could abuse such a privilege, and in the past that's been my hallmark (ride the reputation ragged!), but not today. I brought what I brought, I bring what I bring. I don't need everyone to think I'm great, or right. I am better at letting things pass through me if they seem unfair or wrong. I seek a powerful combination of self-respect and humility, and it is washing over me. I hope to absorb as much as possible as I grow.
After I recover, however that goes, I am focusing on weight loss. I'd like to drop some more fat. I've sat firmly in the 290s for four months and I'm ready to lose more. I think it's time. It's not that the scale is my master, and in fact it's the opposite. I just need to see new numbers at some point. I don't want to become a fit but heavy guy, I'd like to drop that fat a bit more rapidly. I discussed this with John and my immediate plan is simple: do what I've been doing, but better.
For me this means stricter discipline for a while. I need to eat less and stick with that. I've been cautioned to be careful because I obviously am eating basically right, and am normally bringing all the energy into the box that I need, so why change too much? I need to re-measure myself to make sure I have the right block prescription, then shave carbs a bit. I also need to exercise more care with cheat meals. I'd like to skip cheats for several weeks, with bits here and there so I can still handle eating "normal" food. Exercise will be four to five WODs and two endurance days, running and rowing. Sounds like fun to me. Really!
I am planning a run Saturday. I was hitting six laps in about 20 minutes before, and even then I wondered if I might be capable of more. I want to have my first run be similar, but this time I want to push and see how intense I can stand it, resting only when absolutely needed. John has suggested I do a 5k before October's Copper Wire Run (also 5k) in Camden, and I agree. So how hard can I push in 20 minutes now? After dealing with the Boilermaker, and the hills, and all that... I wonder.
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