Day 48 & 49 - Weight ??? - Not Ready to Go

Here I am at 4 a.m., realizing I didn't post the other day, having trouble sleeping and not sure why. I feel sort of in limbo. Going to my brother's house is always hard on me. I used to drink there a lot, so when I come home it's like I feel guilty even if I didn't do anything. It's part of what's keeping me awake.

I just figured out the other thing... I'm not ready. I came home so late that I didn't get a chance to be home. I'm not ready to face the week yet. God help me. Monday is here and I am begging to hit the reset button. I am so wound up about it that I want to throw up. It was awesome, though--the boys begged my wife to stay up and greet me. I brought Kevin's new bike home from Mom & Dad's as a surprise, which was fun. Brad did a great job in the kitchen and wanted to show it off, then show me some one-man  hunting blinds and stands online. They love me, and I love them. We're a family and it's such a wonderful blessing. What's wrong with me? I feel so broken. I have work to do and it's sort of due, and I feel horrible that I didn't do it last week, but you know what? It's fine. I can get it done this week and all that. I just seem to be in the mood to beat myself up. Gotta stop that.

I ate only the food I brought over the weekend but I got caught up in everything and didn't mark it down anywhere. I didn't eat it all; I just was doing my thing and having fun, then realized I didn't eat it all. I tried to explain to my brother about CrossFit and he might be interested. I don't know. This weekend is like a whirlwind.

Some days it takes a lot of courage to be Kevin. Some moments, like now... here I am, exposing myself to the world, in pain and wondering what to do next. I'll get back to regular posting this morning later. Gotta get back into the swing one way or another. As I've heard so often, and know is true: This too shall pass. My enemy wants me to fold, to toss in the towel, and I won't do it. I don't know for sure how it's all gonna play out but I know God will carry me through. I'll weigh in and get back on the horse. All will be well.

Saturday reconstructed:
Breakfast (5 blocks)

- 3 eggs, 1 kiwi fruit, 1 cup strawberries, 2 Tara chocolates

Snack (1 block)

- 1 HB egg, 1 clementine, 1 Tara chocolate

Lunch (5 blocks)

- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter

- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg

Snack (2 blocks)

- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash

Snack (1 block)
- 1 oz. chicken, 55g sweet potatoes, 1/2 tsp. butter

Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea

Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0

Total points so far: 26

Sunday:

Snack (1 block)

- 1 HB egg, 1 clementine, 1 Tara chocolate

Lunch (5 blocks)

- 3 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/3 cup peas, 10g chopped nuts, 1 tsp. butter

- 4 blocks shrimp, chicken & pork, 1 egg

Snack (2 blocks)

- 1 cup Chan chili, 1 cup spaghetti squash

 

Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea

Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0

Total points so far: 26