Ya know, part of this journey for me is learning to play hurt... all the time. Accepting the bumps, bruises, strains and sprains as inevitable stops on the road is still fresh. Within that is also the reality of knowing when you're licked--and for me, not feeling ashamed of it and not feeling beholden to others' opinions of how I handle it.
I'm blessed that within my circle of fitness friends, I have respect and love, and the understanding that comes with that. It's still new to me to be so deeply involved in this little CrossFit community and instead of hearing, "Just get up and move, you're not working hard enough," I am hearing, "Of course you're whipped and have to recover. You just did something huge for yourself and that's part of it all. Welcome to the club, brother!" It makes me shake just thinking about it... maybe I'm not crazy, just learning.
Thursday I helped a friend move an old 28-inch TV, and by "help" I mean I got it and carried it up the narrow stairs to her apartment for her. I tweaked my hip because it was heavy, and because so much of me was still a little weak that other muscles had to compensate. I still did it, though, and I knew I could--my test lift proved it. There's a little bit of me that is self-scolding, but then again I think of a certain truth... I don't do CrossFit and then shirk everyday life's physical challenges, I do CrossFit so I can better tackle everyday life's challenges overall. If I can hit four WODs a week but can't move my friend's TV, what am I doing?
Saturday was the first day I began to feel anything like myself, physically. I can sort of bound up and down the steep staircase in my house again. I try to be careful because I need a few more weeks, truthfully, but my deep question was finally answered: Will I ever recover from this running thing I did? Today is Monday and we have a church leadership dinner, so no CrossFit tonight for Alice and me. But my knees and ankles still ache, so they get another day of rest. I so much want to hit it good tomorrow, to be back for real. Maybe it'll take a while, or maybe I have to continue constantly adjusting my perception of these things.
Tuesday, though, it's for real and I'm glad. I want to be a bit careful but I'm dying to work on some weaknesses I've noticed over the past month or three. I'm dying to feel right again. I can get a sense of what my CrossFit trainer John might have been feeling after his surgery, and may still feel now and again. I want to work. I want "normal" back, pain and all, because it's better and it's not all painful, anyway! Victory is too sweet.
This week I want to get back on the horse with everything. Eating may include some dairy and a bit more fruit than I want, but it's all leading up to next week. By the time August hits I want to be in full swing and training for weight loss, fitness, and my next "whatever." I really want to drop another pile of pounds, and if I can find a groove where I'm losing weight steadily and still growing more powerful, that'd be great! We'll see what happens. For now, I press on.
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