Today's WOD was really something but I did very well. I felt pretty bad afterward, though, and had serious indigestion. I'm gonna be more careful with my meds and make sure I eat a snack 90 minutes beforehand, which I normally do but DID NOT do today (I got caught up in things). I felt I had to eat my emergency clementine. Still, I know that I can do a WOD on 4 blocks. I can probably do a WOD on nothing, but that's pointless.
The emotional side of this can be scary. On the one hand I fear for my heart, and I have to deal with potential anxiety about that more often than I'd like to admit. But a WOD like today's is as good a proof as any that my heart is strong, is it not?--confirming what numerous medical tests over the past three years have told me. I lifted more weight over my head than EVER before, and 55 times to boot; I didn't have to drop any weight off the bar until the last round! I did plenty of knee push-ups and never had to drop to wall push-ups. The ring rows might have been better if I made them harder, so I'm obviously growing there, too. I managed to finish the WOD before the 30-minute limit, with a few minutes to spare.
It's obvious that if I keep this up, the day will soon come when I'm doing real pull-ups, real push-ups, and real everything using the prescription weights. Yet I still get scared. I can barely see through the tears right now. It is so hard to conceptualize this kind of success. In the past I ran away from it, always in sight of the finish line, it seemed. And I fear for my health, despite evidence that I don't need to worry. But I can't quit. I have no reason to.
John, one of my CrossFit trainers, pushes me toward the Boilermaker and I waver between balking and signing up. On the one hand it's 15k--a big deal, walk or run--and I haven't done anything like it since the Army back in the day. I am 40 years old. On the other hand, what might I accomplish if I were to lose 50-80 lbs. between now and then, training all the while? After all, it's not the overweight guy of today that'll be running, it's some other guy I don't know, who is slimmer, stronger, and more fit in every way. Who am I to deny him the chance to do something amazing?
So there I am. I have to set it aside for now. It's too big for this humble follower of Christ to chew on anymore for a while. I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other, hour by hour, day by day, in a way that honors God and what He's carried me through. It's gonna be an early bedtime for me tonight.
Menu:
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 tsp. almond butter, 1 tsp. coconut oil,
- 1/2 cup blackberries, 1 apple
Post-workout Snack (free!)
- 1 clementine
Lunch (8 blocks)
- 3+ cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1/2 tsp coconut oil, 1 tsp. butter, 3 oz. chicken, 1 egg
- 4 Tricia meatballs, 1 cup Chan chili, 110g sweet potatoes
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1 grapefruit, 2 oz. pork, 1 nut, 1/2+ tsp. coconut oil
Dinner (4 blocks)
- 3+ cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1-1/2 tsp. butter, 5g chopped nuts, 2 oz. pork, 1.5 oz. shrimp, 1 egg
Snack (1 block)
1.5 oz. fish, 3 nuts, night tea with agave nectar
Total water consumption: 9+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I'm glad today is done. I think I'm gonna cut back on the tea and make it one CHO point instead of the 3 CHO go-cup I keep by the bed. I'm not sick anymore, but I really like the tea. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 1
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