I am getting over a wicked cold, and am out of sorts. I'm ragged, emotional, and often feel like I have no resevres for anything. We had a buy-in of 5 min. two-handed kettlebell swings, followed by a WOD that appealed to me, but I guess I just didn't bring the A game. If you stopped during the buy-in you had to do a Turkish get-up, which I didn't mind, so after a minute or so I got tired and went to do a TGU. I got the weight up, and went to shoot through, and I just panicked. I panicked and ran.
I thought about how I've had diarrhea a little today, and I was honestly afraid of that earlier, but I used it as an excuse and bolted. I just panicked. I came back in due time, put in a good 90 seconds of KB swings, and played on. Then came the WOD, which I mailed in because I didn't have my A game today--check that, I didn't mail it in, I just didn't have my best. If I had just admitted that I was hurting, that I wanted to cry, that I just didn't have it today, nobody would have cared. Everyone in the gym knows how hard I've worked.
I don't have to live up to anything or anyone. My only true example is supposed to be Jesus, with the Biblical caveat from the book of Romans that we all fall short of the glory of God. I didn't have it in me today, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I hadn't made excuses but I guess I'll live and learn. I doubt I was fooling anyone anyway. Some days are better than others, and today, I turned tail in the face of the enemy. My compatriots in class fared better and I salute them for their work. I hope to bring my best Wednesday, and to recharge between now and then.
In other news my weight went up again. My faith in this process shakes occasionally but I will not waiver. Later this week I'm redoing my measurements to check my Zone block prescription, because my eating can't be all that wrong. It's also a bit discouraging to work as hard as I work, eat like I eat, lose 5 pounds one week, and gain a half pound the next. Yes, I have to trust the process and leave the product to God. No, I don't like it all the time. Anyone who says this isn't really about weight loss never weighed 400 pounds. On the other hand, anyone who says that is still probably right.
And so I press on--positively. This is how it goes! I'm taking part in a great becoming, and this sort of thing is par for the course. Now if I can just keep my knees in shape...
Menu:
Breakfast (3 blocks)
- 1/2 cup greek yogurt, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 tsp. almond butter, 1/2 tsp. olive oil, 1/2 cup blackberries, 1 tbsp. c-raisins
Snack (1 block)
- 1 HB egg, 1 small apple, 1/2 tsp. almond butter
Snack (1 block)
- 1 oz turkey, 1 clementine, 3 nuts
Lunch (5 blocks)
- 1 cup spaghetti squash, 3-3/4 cups fry mix, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 10g chopped nuts, 1-1/2 tsp. butter, 1 oz turkey, 2 oz chicken, 1.5 oz. shrimp, 1 egg
Snack (1 blocks)
- 1 small apple, 1 string cheese stick, 3 nuts
Dinner (7 blocks)
- 6 oz. crock pot beef, 220g sweet potatoes, 1 cup cooked onion, 2 tsp. butter, 6 nuts, 1 string cheese stick
Night tea again, including 2 tbsp. agave nectar
Total water consumption: 10+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Night tea again, including 2 tbsp. agave nectar
Total water consumption: 10+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
Another day in the books. One day soon I'm gonna look in the mirror and see such a change that I may shed tears of joy. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 1
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