Wow... yesterday's hopes and prayers for today were prophetic. I almost gave in to discouragement this morning because the scale didn't obey me. I was thoroughly bummed, lying in bed, rationalizing how I was gonna skip CrossFit and my AA meeting today because I had a lot of work to do. Last night I made a point to watch sodium intake, skip my tea, and drink water, all in an effort to make sure I had a good weigh-in. Last week I briefly saw about 303.5 on the scale--haven't seen it since--and I want so badly to drop below 300 for good. I guess God had other plans, and one of them is my humility and dedication to the process.
It may seem funny at first glance, but as a lifetime fat person I cannot deny my feelings about weight loss any more than I can deny my inability to conceptualize what the thinner, athletic life will be like. As much as I want the fitness stuff, I want more than anything to see those numbers drop. It's not as if I'm a 150 lb. woman who just doesn't like the way her jeans fit now that she's 36 years old. I'm an obese man and tired of it. I work so hard. I want to finish this challenge under 290 lbs., I'm not sure how to make it happen, and I'm almost to the end of week 4.
In the past I would probably have let this drive me away, but I choose not to be that guy anymore. I left him behind a long time ago. So today I got my butt out of bed early, did a little work to stave off potential excuses, and went about my day as planned. I hit a great WOD at CrossFit and am very happy with my effort. If I had given up today, I would not have had that experience. Sometimes you gotta know when to back off, but for me, often I have to press in and press on. I thank God that I did the right thing. Everything I wrote yesterday is true and I have to live it whether I feel like it or not.
And so I press on. And on.
Menu:
Breakfast (4 blocks)
- 3 eggs, 1 string cheese stick, 1 tbsp. c-raisins, 1 apple, 1 clementine, 2/3 tsp. coconut oil, 6 nuts
Snack (4 blocks)
- 1.5 oz. fish, 3 oz. canned tuna, 4 tsp. homemade paleo mayo, 1/2 cup snow peas, 1 grapefruit, 1/2 apple
Snack (3 blocks)
- 1 clementine, 1 cup Chan chili, 1/2 apple, 1 string cheese stick, 5g chopped nuts
Lunch (4 blocks)
- 2 bags frozen pepper & onion mix, 1/3 tsp coconut oil, 1 tsp. butter, 4.5 oz. shrimp, 1 egg
Dinner (3 blocks)
- 3 cups spaghetti squash, 1-1/2 tsp. butter, 4.5 oz. fish
Snack (2 blocks)
- 1-1/2 cups spaghetti squash, 1/2 cup Chan chili, 1/3 tsp. olive oil, 1/4 cup cottage cheese
Total water consumption: 10+ quarts throughout the day, including coffee and tea
I get to rest on the morrow... NOT! Actually, I'm gonna hit the cardio room while my wife hits her first On Ramp CrossFit class! God bless my wife. Based on the rules and all that, my total points for the day: 0
Total points so far: 1
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