Sometimes you gotta step back. Sometimes you're making excuses for yourself. And sometimes, when it seems that your whole life has been either easy victories or excuses, and you started working hard for a change, it's tough to sort out which is which. That's a battle I fight regularly.
I don't want to be an excuse maker, and I never wanted to be, I just can't deal with people's crap! Everyone has an opinion and no matter what I do, rarely is everyone in agreement about how right or wrong I am. Go figure! I had real trouble with this when I was a kid; in high school it seemed like every teacher expected me to treat their class as the most important. Despite good advice from my father, I still didn't get it. I had to figure out how to make my own choices the best I could, and live with them. What didn't factor in back in the day was that often I made excuses for my poor choices, and got away with it for too long. It's a tough row to hoe but it's mine, I guess.
For example, I've been planning a 15k rowing experience and life is just too big for me to do it right now. I couldn't do it last Tuesday when I had planned to, so the following Thursday I sat down to row and get it over with. I was all set up to go, but my mind wasn't in it at all. I had so many issues to deal with... money, work, family, and more. All pressing stuff. I hadn't slept well in days, and the ALCC Camden Community Picnic, which I help organize, was the coming Saturday. Stress must have been oozing from my pores. After twelve minutes my butt began hurting. My arms still ached from what seemed like ten days' worth of arm-working WODs, and around the fifteen minute mark I realized that I had quit several minutes earlier. I ended up pressing on and rowing for about 18 minutes total, which still beats my last longest time by two or three minutes, and my longest distance by hundreds of meters. Felt like a failure, though. My attitude just wasn't good to start with. Perspective isn't always easy to hold on to.
I was so afraid to tell anyone--John, Cheryl, anyone. Yet I felt like it was my choice. I really wanted (and want!) to do the row. It's kinda exciting! I told John (my CrossFit trainer) and tried not to make a big deal out of it. He didn't kill me. It was his suggestion, not an order, and he's in no position to order me around anyway. I just want to be good and do good, and never be wrong. Can't do it. Can't be perfect. Gotta live with it.
I'm doing the Copper Wire run in early October, so I don't want to go too deep into September before I set myself to the 15k row again. I do need a free day, where I don't have piles of things to set aside. I'll have them soon enough, I just need to be patient. This challenging time will pass, as have all the others. God will get me through.
After last week I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Tuesday I didn't exercise. I felt I needed a break. I still do. Thursday I'm committed to doing very little as well. I have so much to do already, but who knows? I'm sick of cramming so much into a day that my mind spins. Too much of that, for whatever reason, and I get squirrely and head toward places I can't go anymore.
I still have to plan out my new food blocking scheme--or rather, how I'm gonna make it work on a daily basis--and I haven't done it yet. I have to figure out how to make 17 blocks of protein, 9 blocks of carbs, and about 40 blocks of fat into an eating plan. I know basically how to do it, and I've been stumbling through it for a few days now, but with no tracking and no planning it's an exercise in paleo eating. I have to give myself room to move here, I guess.
Over the weekend, I ate like crap for a good 24 hours after the community picnic and when I weighed myself on Tuesday, I was ten pounds heavier than the previous week. No doubt it's water weight held because of the abundance of salt and garbage carbs I consumed. I don't regret some of it, but as time passed I got sick of my behavior and the crap food started to taste bad. I don't know when I'll finally learn that there's no going back... I can still eat anything I want, but anything close to a binge won't be worth it.
Depending on my mood, my water weight is either a humorous thing or an annoyance. I'll be shedding it for days. This weekend we're going to The Fair (as they call it) and I'm gonna eat some crap there, too, just not as much. Within the following week is my anniversary, and around then we're going out to eat. In between it's all paleo as I learn how to make the new blocking work. Afterward it's big-push time. I've got weight to lose and muscle to build.
I don't understand everything but then again, I have yet to fully adopt the new eating. And as I've advised so many others lately, one must try something like that for a good two or three weeks straight (at least!) before you can begin to judge whether or not something's working, and another few weeks to see the benefits more fully unfold. I'm reading books and asking questions, changing my diet, working out, and putting one foot in front of the other. Gotta get through this, so I press on...
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 9 - Weight: 284.6 - Plugging Away
Sometimes I feel like CrossFit is almost as good for me as church, and that everyone should do it. The weight is still coming off, and it won't be long before the first two digits are "27". Nevertheless, I sometimes feel burnt out, like all I do is go from one workout to the next.
When I do four or five WODs and two endurance workouts in a week, it tends to go like this: Monday evening I do a WOD. Tuesday morning I row (intervals or distance & time) and if life permits, I hit a WOD. Wednesday morning I hit a WOD. I have a WOD Friday evening and Saturday morning. Depending on circumstances I run either Saturday afternoon or (preferably) Friday morning (intervals or distance & time, the opposite of what I did for rowing). I get a nice break between early Wednesday and early Friday, then from early Saturday to late Monday. The breaks seem more than adequate and I think I recover well enough, but sometimes Monday comes and I feel like sighing, "Here we go again."
Now that I've gotten the whining out of the way: I am considering a chat with my coaches about adding another endurance day to help me train for the Copper Wire Run in Camden, N.Y. this coming October. It might not be time yet, but if it is, I'd like to start next week. I would like to look at my exercise schedule as a four to five WOD, two to three endurance sort of deal. If my schedule permits I can go all out at five and three, but if not, four and two is plenty. I know John and Cheryl will steer me right, and will take into account many factors before advising me.
I had my first experience with torn hands last week, and I'm healing nicely. It's all part of the CrossFit journey. As has been said: New-Skin liquid bandage does smell elite. Apparently "elite" smells like Testor's model glue. At first I applied it obsessively (the New Skin, not the glue) but that's part of the process, too. I think in the future I'll use liquid bandage during workouts and for extra help, but try the salt water soak (painful!) to promote healing during off periods. I have seen it work wonders on others so it's worth a shot. I might also begin experimenting with athletic tape. Wow, I'm a real gym guy now! hahaha Next I'll need eye-black.
I haven't done as much box jumping as I had planned. As the week went on I felt more worn out, and the box looked so tall. I think it's important not to let it slide, but I don't want to get fixed on this either. This week I want to do another progression of box heights and get up there again. I don't need to solve this problem today any more than I need to get pull-ups in today, but I should not ignore this opportunity either. Fighting fear and overcoming mental obstacles is a big priority in CrossFit and I'm all about that.
Wisdom also suggests that if, as the week goes on, I get a bit ragged, that's something to consider too. I don't want to be hard on myself. I'm not Superman and I don't need to be. I've had to work progressively and carefully to get where I am now. The same thing goes for push-ups. I don't feel I have progressed as much with those lately. Why should this be any different? I suspect that as winter comes, there'll be less met-con and more box jumps and push-ups. There's plenty of time if I'm willing to work. There are also times when, for no other reason than a desire to take a break, I can take a day or even a week off. I don't think I'll be taking a week off from CrossFit anytime soon, but a day off looks good. I believe life will work that magic for me for now. Otherwise, I want to work.
Also, I know I can do a bit more work at home--a bit of groove-greasing every day is good, and just like warming up and stretching, I do not do it enough. It's a goal: more work at home, even a little here and there. I'll talk more about that in the future, but for now, I press on...
When I do four or five WODs and two endurance workouts in a week, it tends to go like this: Monday evening I do a WOD. Tuesday morning I row (intervals or distance & time) and if life permits, I hit a WOD. Wednesday morning I hit a WOD. I have a WOD Friday evening and Saturday morning. Depending on circumstances I run either Saturday afternoon or (preferably) Friday morning (intervals or distance & time, the opposite of what I did for rowing). I get a nice break between early Wednesday and early Friday, then from early Saturday to late Monday. The breaks seem more than adequate and I think I recover well enough, but sometimes Monday comes and I feel like sighing, "Here we go again."
Now that I've gotten the whining out of the way: I am considering a chat with my coaches about adding another endurance day to help me train for the Copper Wire Run in Camden, N.Y. this coming October. It might not be time yet, but if it is, I'd like to start next week. I would like to look at my exercise schedule as a four to five WOD, two to three endurance sort of deal. If my schedule permits I can go all out at five and three, but if not, four and two is plenty. I know John and Cheryl will steer me right, and will take into account many factors before advising me.
I had my first experience with torn hands last week, and I'm healing nicely. It's all part of the CrossFit journey. As has been said: New-Skin liquid bandage does smell elite. Apparently "elite" smells like Testor's model glue. At first I applied it obsessively (the New Skin, not the glue) but that's part of the process, too. I think in the future I'll use liquid bandage during workouts and for extra help, but try the salt water soak (painful!) to promote healing during off periods. I have seen it work wonders on others so it's worth a shot. I might also begin experimenting with athletic tape. Wow, I'm a real gym guy now! hahaha Next I'll need eye-black.
I haven't done as much box jumping as I had planned. As the week went on I felt more worn out, and the box looked so tall. I think it's important not to let it slide, but I don't want to get fixed on this either. This week I want to do another progression of box heights and get up there again. I don't need to solve this problem today any more than I need to get pull-ups in today, but I should not ignore this opportunity either. Fighting fear and overcoming mental obstacles is a big priority in CrossFit and I'm all about that.
Wisdom also suggests that if, as the week goes on, I get a bit ragged, that's something to consider too. I don't want to be hard on myself. I'm not Superman and I don't need to be. I've had to work progressively and carefully to get where I am now. The same thing goes for push-ups. I don't feel I have progressed as much with those lately. Why should this be any different? I suspect that as winter comes, there'll be less met-con and more box jumps and push-ups. There's plenty of time if I'm willing to work. There are also times when, for no other reason than a desire to take a break, I can take a day or even a week off. I don't think I'll be taking a week off from CrossFit anytime soon, but a day off looks good. I believe life will work that magic for me for now. Otherwise, I want to work.
Also, I know I can do a bit more work at home--a bit of groove-greasing every day is good, and just like warming up and stretching, I do not do it enough. It's a goal: more work at home, even a little here and there. I'll talk more about that in the future, but for now, I press on...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Tuesday, August 2 - Weight 289.4 - Working...
I'm struggling with work. I have a lot of it, which is nice, but it's all due soon. Ugh!
I've lost weight. That's good! I also had a good week at the gym. I did my crappy brand of grey-band pull-ups in a WOD, I did real overhead squats in a WOD, and I did a real box jump. It was cool.
I'd like to do a box jump every time I come in. Two or three, just greasing the groove and getting my mind to accept it as a legitimate exercise I can do! Even a month or two, I might not be ready to pull out the box jump of that size in a WOD. But who knows?
Since then I've repeated the box jumps a few times. Today I just didn't have my heart in it. I am not all there mentally, and very stressed out. Still, I hit the WOD hard and took a good 25 seconds off my KB snatch ladder time. My endurance row session was 200m with rest, then 500m with rest, then 15 minutes of rowing in which I managed to go almost 3600m. I've never rowed for more than 5 minutes before, so 15 seemed huge but wasn't all that bad.
I'm just glad to have lost weight and still feel good. I think I'm doing okay. I need to make sure I get plenty of rest, hit four or five WODs and two endurance days, and eat right. I seem to get in a little extra fat, which is cool, and I am not afraid to do it if I'm careful. Fat is so good for me. It's nice to have the chocolate and I've become a believer in coconut oil. I make sure to get some every day.
There is no denying it, though... I'm whipped. I don't know how I feel about anything. Once my work is done, I will feel better about life. My leadership organization of the Big Kid Games at my church's free community picnic is going a bit slow but moving well enough. I just want August to be over, and to be paid. When I get exhausted, I get whiny! hahaha
I don't think it's an eating issue, but a work and sleep issue. Still, I need to keep an eye on things. So far though, I feel good about all this. It's going well.
I've lost weight. That's good! I also had a good week at the gym. I did my crappy brand of grey-band pull-ups in a WOD, I did real overhead squats in a WOD, and I did a real box jump. It was cool.
I'd like to do a box jump every time I come in. Two or three, just greasing the groove and getting my mind to accept it as a legitimate exercise I can do! Even a month or two, I might not be ready to pull out the box jump of that size in a WOD. But who knows?
Since then I've repeated the box jumps a few times. Today I just didn't have my heart in it. I am not all there mentally, and very stressed out. Still, I hit the WOD hard and took a good 25 seconds off my KB snatch ladder time. My endurance row session was 200m with rest, then 500m with rest, then 15 minutes of rowing in which I managed to go almost 3600m. I've never rowed for more than 5 minutes before, so 15 seemed huge but wasn't all that bad.
I'm just glad to have lost weight and still feel good. I think I'm doing okay. I need to make sure I get plenty of rest, hit four or five WODs and two endurance days, and eat right. I seem to get in a little extra fat, which is cool, and I am not afraid to do it if I'm careful. Fat is so good for me. It's nice to have the chocolate and I've become a believer in coconut oil. I make sure to get some every day.
There is no denying it, though... I'm whipped. I don't know how I feel about anything. Once my work is done, I will feel better about life. My leadership organization of the Big Kid Games at my church's free community picnic is going a bit slow but moving well enough. I just want August to be over, and to be paid. When I get exhausted, I get whiny! hahaha
I don't think it's an eating issue, but a work and sleep issue. Still, I need to keep an eye on things. So far though, I feel good about all this. It's going well.
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